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Showing posts with label positive parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label positive parenting. Show all posts
Friday, July 9, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
Teaching your child how to cope with anger is to harvest life gracefully
Teaching your child to cope with anger is to harvest life gracefully. Here are some tips from Leah Davies an educator, these tips are geared for teachers in the classroom, I think these tips are also excellent and helpful tips for parents to use in helping your child to cope with anger. I believe, anger is an healthy emotion but if it is not dealt with in a proper and acceptable way it can be very destructive.
Helping Children Cope with Anger
By Leah Davies, M.Ed.
All human beings experience anger. But children, in particular, have difficulty channeling their strong emotions into acceptable outlets. Anger is a response to a real or perceived loss or stress. It results when a person's self-esteem, body, property, values or sense of entitlement are threatened. It is often a reaction to feeling misunderstood, frustrated, hurt, rejected or ashamed.
Children often blame other people or events for their anger instead of assuming responsibility for it. If children do not learn how to release their anger appropriately, it can fester and explode in inappropriate ways or be internalized and damage their sense of self-worth. When children express their anger inappropriately, it may mean that they lack coping skills to deal with their emotions in positive ways.
To assist children in becoming emotionally competent so that they are ready to learn, educators need to help them:
1. Understand their anger and the emotions of others.
2. Develop positive social interaction skills.
3. Realize that they are responsible for the choices they make.
4. Learn how to express anger in ways that aren't harmful to themselves or others.
How can educators do this?
* Model acceptance of each child as a valuable human being worthy of respect.
* Accentuate each child's strengths.
* Make your expectations compatible with children's level of development.
* Provide a safe, responsive, predictable environment.
* Provide children the opportunity to make choices.
* Send honest, congruent messages, making sure your words match your facial expressions and body language.
* Be fair, supportive, firm, and consistent. Never ridicule a child.
* Watch for and acknowledge appropriate behavior.
* Teach decision making and problem-solving skills.
* Use role-playing, puppets, or videos to teach social skills. For example, how to treat each other or how to work out disagreements.
* Involve children in making rules such as:
o We are kind to each other
o We listen to others
o We use self-control
o We work out differences peacefully.
* Make the rules clear and follow through with meaningful consequences which are appropriate for the age of the child.
* Be aware of nonverbal signs that a child is angry such as a red face, tensed muscles, or clenched fists.
* Understand that a child's headaches, upset stomach, or withdrawn behavior may be a symptom of repressed anger.
* Watch the child carefully, noting the antecedents to aggressive behavior. Ask yourself:
o What happened right before the outburst?
o How was the child feeling?
o What does he or she need/want?
o What can I do to make the situation better for the child?
* Anticipate angry outbursts and arrange activities to reduce them. For example, if the child gets angry when it is time to go inside, talk with the child ahead of time and share your expectations. Then comment when the child acts appropriately.
* Arrange the seating to decrease conflict. Separate children who arouse angry responses in each other.
* Help children understand that anger is a natural emotion that everyone has. Say things like, "It's okay to feel angry. Everyone feels angry sometimes, but it is not okay to hurt yourself or others."
* Stop any aggressive behaviors. Say, "I can't let you hurt each other," or "I can't let you hurt me." Then remove the child or children as gently as possible.
* If the child is out-of-control, provide a quiet place where he/she can calm down.
* Resist taking a child's angry outburst personally. Deal with the child in a calm, matter-of-fact way.
* Acknowledge strong emotions, helping the child control him/herself and save face. For example say, "It must be hard to get a low score after you tried so hard."
* Assist the child in using a vocabulary of feeling words. Read books that ask the children to verbalize a time when they felt various emotions.
* Use feeling words to help the child understand the emotions of others. For example, "Mary is sitting alone and looks very sad; she may be lonely," or "When Joe tripped, he looked embarrassed."
* Help children understand their own emotions by putting their feelings into words. For example say, "It made you angry when they called you names."
* Listen, reflect and validate without judgment the feelings the child expresses. After listening, help the child identify the true feeling underlying the anger such as hurt, sadness, disappointment, fear, or frustration. For example, "That hurt when your best friend was mean to you," or "It was scary to have them gang up on you."
* Encourage the child to accept responsibility for the anger and to gain control over him/herself by asking him/herself the following:
o Did I do or say anything to create the problem?
If so, how can I make things better?
How can I keep this from happening again?
* Facilitate communication and problem solving with the child or between children by asking questions such as:
o What do you want/need?
o How can I help you?
o What can you do to help yourself?
* Help children understand that they can choose how to react when they feel angry. Teach them self-control and positive ways to cope with their negative impulses. The following are choices they can make:
o Stop and think
o Calm self by breathing deeply
o Count slowly
o Tense body and relax
o Find a quiet place or sit alone
o Write about feelings
o Tell someone how you feel
o Problem solve
o Look at books or read
o Draw or play with clay
o Exercise, walk or run
o Play music or sing
o Rest or take a shower
o Hug someone, a pet or a stuffed animal
* Stress that the children must accept responsibility for their actions. Reinforce any constructive steps.
* Establish an open, caring relationship with other adults who care about the child, so that jointly you can help the angry child meet his/her psychological needs of being accepted, secure, and recognized as a valuable human being.
* Help the parent or guardian understand that giving in to a child's outburst or exposing him/her to verbal or physical violence can be detrimental to a child's growth and development. If needed, provide parenting information or suggest a parenting class.
* If the problem is beyond your scope of expertise, seek additional assistance and/or recommend professional help.
* Lastly, find healthy outlets for your own strong emotions, so that you will be open to the needs of the children with whom you work.
Helping Children Cope with Anger
By Leah Davies, M.Ed.
All human beings experience anger. But children, in particular, have difficulty channeling their strong emotions into acceptable outlets. Anger is a response to a real or perceived loss or stress. It results when a person's self-esteem, body, property, values or sense of entitlement are threatened. It is often a reaction to feeling misunderstood, frustrated, hurt, rejected or ashamed.
Children often blame other people or events for their anger instead of assuming responsibility for it. If children do not learn how to release their anger appropriately, it can fester and explode in inappropriate ways or be internalized and damage their sense of self-worth. When children express their anger inappropriately, it may mean that they lack coping skills to deal with their emotions in positive ways.
To assist children in becoming emotionally competent so that they are ready to learn, educators need to help them:
1. Understand their anger and the emotions of others.
2. Develop positive social interaction skills.
3. Realize that they are responsible for the choices they make.
4. Learn how to express anger in ways that aren't harmful to themselves or others.
How can educators do this?
* Model acceptance of each child as a valuable human being worthy of respect.
* Accentuate each child's strengths.
* Make your expectations compatible with children's level of development.
* Provide a safe, responsive, predictable environment.
* Provide children the opportunity to make choices.
* Send honest, congruent messages, making sure your words match your facial expressions and body language.
* Be fair, supportive, firm, and consistent. Never ridicule a child.
* Watch for and acknowledge appropriate behavior.
* Teach decision making and problem-solving skills.
* Use role-playing, puppets, or videos to teach social skills. For example, how to treat each other or how to work out disagreements.
* Involve children in making rules such as:
o We are kind to each other
o We listen to others
o We use self-control
o We work out differences peacefully.
* Make the rules clear and follow through with meaningful consequences which are appropriate for the age of the child.
* Be aware of nonverbal signs that a child is angry such as a red face, tensed muscles, or clenched fists.
* Understand that a child's headaches, upset stomach, or withdrawn behavior may be a symptom of repressed anger.
* Watch the child carefully, noting the antecedents to aggressive behavior. Ask yourself:
o What happened right before the outburst?
o How was the child feeling?
o What does he or she need/want?
o What can I do to make the situation better for the child?
* Anticipate angry outbursts and arrange activities to reduce them. For example, if the child gets angry when it is time to go inside, talk with the child ahead of time and share your expectations. Then comment when the child acts appropriately.
* Arrange the seating to decrease conflict. Separate children who arouse angry responses in each other.
* Help children understand that anger is a natural emotion that everyone has. Say things like, "It's okay to feel angry. Everyone feels angry sometimes, but it is not okay to hurt yourself or others."
* Stop any aggressive behaviors. Say, "I can't let you hurt each other," or "I can't let you hurt me." Then remove the child or children as gently as possible.
* If the child is out-of-control, provide a quiet place where he/she can calm down.
* Resist taking a child's angry outburst personally. Deal with the child in a calm, matter-of-fact way.
* Acknowledge strong emotions, helping the child control him/herself and save face. For example say, "It must be hard to get a low score after you tried so hard."
* Assist the child in using a vocabulary of feeling words. Read books that ask the children to verbalize a time when they felt various emotions.
* Use feeling words to help the child understand the emotions of others. For example, "Mary is sitting alone and looks very sad; she may be lonely," or "When Joe tripped, he looked embarrassed."
* Help children understand their own emotions by putting their feelings into words. For example say, "It made you angry when they called you names."
* Listen, reflect and validate without judgment the feelings the child expresses. After listening, help the child identify the true feeling underlying the anger such as hurt, sadness, disappointment, fear, or frustration. For example, "That hurt when your best friend was mean to you," or "It was scary to have them gang up on you."
* Encourage the child to accept responsibility for the anger and to gain control over him/herself by asking him/herself the following:
o Did I do or say anything to create the problem?
If so, how can I make things better?
How can I keep this from happening again?
* Facilitate communication and problem solving with the child or between children by asking questions such as:
o What do you want/need?
o How can I help you?
o What can you do to help yourself?
* Help children understand that they can choose how to react when they feel angry. Teach them self-control and positive ways to cope with their negative impulses. The following are choices they can make:
o Stop and think
o Calm self by breathing deeply
o Count slowly
o Tense body and relax
o Find a quiet place or sit alone
o Write about feelings
o Tell someone how you feel
o Problem solve
o Look at books or read
o Draw or play with clay
o Exercise, walk or run
o Play music or sing
o Rest or take a shower
o Hug someone, a pet or a stuffed animal
* Stress that the children must accept responsibility for their actions. Reinforce any constructive steps.
* Establish an open, caring relationship with other adults who care about the child, so that jointly you can help the angry child meet his/her psychological needs of being accepted, secure, and recognized as a valuable human being.
* Help the parent or guardian understand that giving in to a child's outburst or exposing him/her to verbal or physical violence can be detrimental to a child's growth and development. If needed, provide parenting information or suggest a parenting class.
* If the problem is beyond your scope of expertise, seek additional assistance and/or recommend professional help.
* Lastly, find healthy outlets for your own strong emotions, so that you will be open to the needs of the children with whom you work.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully with learning and having fun with your children during summer month
Harvest Life Gracefully,with having fun with your children during the summer months. Summer can be both a fun and learning expiernce for you and your children. This article that I am posting will give you ideals and ways that you can incoperate learning and having fun.
Using Fun To Teach Your Children
By: nlwest21 | Posted: Jun 30, 2010
The summer is the best time of year that every kid enjoys. They don't have to keep up with homework, getting to class on time, and waking up while it is still dark outside. It is a time where they can enjoy the fresh air and to relax with their friends. With all of this going on they will often forget a good deal of information that they learned during the school year.
One way that you have the ability to help them is to provide a way that they can keep learning during the summer months. The challenging part is trying to do this without them actually catching on to what you are trying to do.
Road Trip
The easiest way for most kids to learn and remember what fun facts is to make it fun. When attempting to refreshen their minds on U.S. history why not take them to someplace historical in your area and make a vacation out of it. There are numerous fun places you are able to take them too including, Gettysburg, St. Augustine, The Alamo, and a whole lot more.
Art
Art might not be the most essential subject - but it can still assist them to work on their imaginative juices. Have them make something using seashells that they have collected. Take them out on walks around the park and have them collect plants, flowers, and leaves and place them in a scrapbook.
Not all art is something that has to be drawn or painted. Pick out a random painting or picture or have them compose a short story, poem, or riddle. Give them the name of the painting and thirty minutes to create something of their own. This is a great way for them to utilize their imagination and decide on what they think the picture is talking about. You might be amazed by their ingenuity.
About the Author
Learn new ways to Teach Kids Facts to kids and keep them sharp during the summer. Have them create paintings and Funny Riddles that they can be proud of.
Using Fun To Teach Your Children
By: nlwest21 | Posted: Jun 30, 2010
The summer is the best time of year that every kid enjoys. They don't have to keep up with homework, getting to class on time, and waking up while it is still dark outside. It is a time where they can enjoy the fresh air and to relax with their friends. With all of this going on they will often forget a good deal of information that they learned during the school year.
One way that you have the ability to help them is to provide a way that they can keep learning during the summer months. The challenging part is trying to do this without them actually catching on to what you are trying to do.
Road Trip
The easiest way for most kids to learn and remember what fun facts is to make it fun. When attempting to refreshen their minds on U.S. history why not take them to someplace historical in your area and make a vacation out of it. There are numerous fun places you are able to take them too including, Gettysburg, St. Augustine, The Alamo, and a whole lot more.
Art
Art might not be the most essential subject - but it can still assist them to work on their imaginative juices. Have them make something using seashells that they have collected. Take them out on walks around the park and have them collect plants, flowers, and leaves and place them in a scrapbook.
Not all art is something that has to be drawn or painted. Pick out a random painting or picture or have them compose a short story, poem, or riddle. Give them the name of the painting and thirty minutes to create something of their own. This is a great way for them to utilize their imagination and decide on what they think the picture is talking about. You might be amazed by their ingenuity.
About the Author
Learn new ways to Teach Kids Facts to kids and keep them sharp during the summer. Have them create paintings and Funny Riddles that they can be proud of.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully, teaching your kids about money
Teaching kids about money is another way to Harvest Life Gracefully. Money is a big issue in this society, it causes many problems among families and individuals alike.
To Harvest Life Gracefully is teaching our kids the right attitude about money. If you want to Harvest Life Gracefully below is an article that gives 5 creative ideals to teach your kids about money. Harvest Life Gracefully also recommend this book to teach your kids about money.
Alexa von Tobel
Founder and CEO, LearnVest
Posted: June 9, 2010 12:41 P
5 Creative Ways to Teach Kids About Money
Many people, myself included, advocate that personal finance should be taught in elementary and middle school curriculum alongside traditional subjects like reading, writing and arithmetic. (It is our lifeline!) It is critical that kids start to learn the value of money, short-term and long-term saving and budgeting at an early age. At the same time, parents recognize that introducing the basic concepts of money management to kids at home is just as important and offers an immediate solution to improving their child's financial literacy. Figuring out how to actually do this in a fun and engaging way is the challenging part.
I've been inspired by several recent stories in the news and by feedback from LearnVest users. So, I've pulled together what we've found to be five creative and effective ways to introduce the topic of money management to young children below. For the most part, these suggestions are geared for children age 7-15, but can be shaped so they are age appropriate.
Since I do not yet have children (still saving!), I am going to share what others have found to be most effective and ask that anyone with additional tips, advice or anecdotes from your own experience to please share them below. We are listening!
1. Make a game of saving money at the grocery store
Bring your kids along next time you go to the grocery store and ask them to help find the price per unit for the general grocery items. By comparing brands and looking for the best prices, kids will get in the habit of looking for deals and understand the value of the dollar. Be sure to calculate how much you save on their choices and put that money towards a savings account, a charity of their choice, or something fun like an afternoon trip to Baskin Robins. Not only will they learn about saving, spending and sharing, knowing they are part of the decision-making process will keep them engaged and eager to continue this behavior.
2. Get creative with games and puzzles
I recently read an article about a first-grade teacher in Port Richey, Florida, who used puzzles and games to teach her students about the basic concepts of budgeting and saving. The Florida Council on Economic Education awarded her the Governor's Award for her clever and innovative approach in "Budgeting Positive Behavior."
Using Jigsaw puzzles, Carmen Johnson awarded her first-graders with pieces to a puzzle each time they completed tasks on time. Once the puzzle was completed, they could turn it over and receive a prize. Johnson compared earning puzzle pieces to handling money, along the lines of "the more responsible you are, the more you can earn; the more you can earn, the more you can save; the more you can save, the more you good things you can get."
While Johnson did this in the classroom, parents can replicate this at home. You can also play board games that explore different concepts of money management with your children, who are slightly older in age. Monopoly, Game of Life, Moneywise Kids and Payday are among those highly recommended by LearnVest users. The Internet also provides a vast wealth of resources. Piggybank, Money Word Games and Change Maker are all great options as well.
3. Use allowance as an opportunity to discuss money management
We know allowances can be controversial. That said, providing an allowance for young children whether it be for completing responsibilities around the house or not, can help them start understanding the basic concepts of cash flow and savings at an early age. We particularly like the 3-jar allowance/piggy bank system, in which the child has three clear jars: one for saving, one for spending and one for charity.
A middle school history teacher once told our class that he and his wife gave their kids two dollars a month and they had to put one-third in savings, one-third set aside for charity and one-third free to spend however they wanted. The size of the amount wasn't important but the dialogue and indirect learning that his children picked up on likely lasted a lifetime. Whether you're five years old or in the middle of your teens, this lesson should resonate. The fact that it still sits with me after 15 years makes it an important lesson that I learned sitting in sixth grade history class!
It's is up to you on how to advise dividing up the money, but it's important that children practice handling and managing the money they earn early.
4. Give time, a service or old toys/clothes to a charity
This family routine came in from a LearnVest reader, and we really liked it. Kids can learn a lot about necessities and wants by recognizing what people live without. A common routine, but one that should not be overlooked, is having a family donation to a charity for those less fortunate. Ask your kids to search for items, toys, or clothes that they no longer use and contribute those items a collection box.
Around holiday season, suggest that they give a service that can save money for others (i.e. babysitting one night for free or taking on responsibilities around the house for free). This will not only be a family activity bringing everyone together in the decision making process, but teaches children habits of giving/service that will hopefully last a lifetime.
5. Bring an article or a question about personal finance to the dinner table
Allocating a specified time to talk about household finances or a current event that pertains to issues such as savings, unemployment and consumer spending is a great way to maintain a dialogue with your kids on money management. By including them in the conversation about household finances and eliciting their feedback and questions, you can empower them with a sense of responsibility and confidence when it comes to personal finance.
If they have a question about purchasing an item they really want, run the numbers with them so they understand how much they earn from part-time jobs and how much they can save in one month, on year, etc. for that special purchase. My parents did this with me, and I always felt like I was an 'adult' with my money because of it.
In conclusion, since this precious education is not yet taught widely in schools --- we can bring it home! Please share with us any great lessons you have.
Follow Alexa von Tobel on Twitter: www.twitter.com/alexavontobel
To Harvest Life Gracefully is teaching our kids the right attitude about money. If you want to Harvest Life Gracefully below is an article that gives 5 creative ideals to teach your kids about money. Harvest Life Gracefully also recommend this book to teach your kids about money.
Alexa von Tobel
Founder and CEO, LearnVest
Posted: June 9, 2010 12:41 P
5 Creative Ways to Teach Kids About Money
Many people, myself included, advocate that personal finance should be taught in elementary and middle school curriculum alongside traditional subjects like reading, writing and arithmetic. (It is our lifeline!) It is critical that kids start to learn the value of money, short-term and long-term saving and budgeting at an early age. At the same time, parents recognize that introducing the basic concepts of money management to kids at home is just as important and offers an immediate solution to improving their child's financial literacy. Figuring out how to actually do this in a fun and engaging way is the challenging part.
I've been inspired by several recent stories in the news and by feedback from LearnVest users. So, I've pulled together what we've found to be five creative and effective ways to introduce the topic of money management to young children below. For the most part, these suggestions are geared for children age 7-15, but can be shaped so they are age appropriate.
Since I do not yet have children (still saving!), I am going to share what others have found to be most effective and ask that anyone with additional tips, advice or anecdotes from your own experience to please share them below. We are listening!
1. Make a game of saving money at the grocery store
Bring your kids along next time you go to the grocery store and ask them to help find the price per unit for the general grocery items. By comparing brands and looking for the best prices, kids will get in the habit of looking for deals and understand the value of the dollar. Be sure to calculate how much you save on their choices and put that money towards a savings account, a charity of their choice, or something fun like an afternoon trip to Baskin Robins. Not only will they learn about saving, spending and sharing, knowing they are part of the decision-making process will keep them engaged and eager to continue this behavior.
2. Get creative with games and puzzles
I recently read an article about a first-grade teacher in Port Richey, Florida, who used puzzles and games to teach her students about the basic concepts of budgeting and saving. The Florida Council on Economic Education awarded her the Governor's Award for her clever and innovative approach in "Budgeting Positive Behavior."
Using Jigsaw puzzles, Carmen Johnson awarded her first-graders with pieces to a puzzle each time they completed tasks on time. Once the puzzle was completed, they could turn it over and receive a prize. Johnson compared earning puzzle pieces to handling money, along the lines of "the more responsible you are, the more you can earn; the more you can earn, the more you can save; the more you can save, the more you good things you can get."
While Johnson did this in the classroom, parents can replicate this at home. You can also play board games that explore different concepts of money management with your children, who are slightly older in age. Monopoly, Game of Life, Moneywise Kids and Payday are among those highly recommended by LearnVest users. The Internet also provides a vast wealth of resources. Piggybank, Money Word Games and Change Maker are all great options as well.
3. Use allowance as an opportunity to discuss money management
We know allowances can be controversial. That said, providing an allowance for young children whether it be for completing responsibilities around the house or not, can help them start understanding the basic concepts of cash flow and savings at an early age. We particularly like the 3-jar allowance/piggy bank system, in which the child has three clear jars: one for saving, one for spending and one for charity.
A middle school history teacher once told our class that he and his wife gave their kids two dollars a month and they had to put one-third in savings, one-third set aside for charity and one-third free to spend however they wanted. The size of the amount wasn't important but the dialogue and indirect learning that his children picked up on likely lasted a lifetime. Whether you're five years old or in the middle of your teens, this lesson should resonate. The fact that it still sits with me after 15 years makes it an important lesson that I learned sitting in sixth grade history class!
It's is up to you on how to advise dividing up the money, but it's important that children practice handling and managing the money they earn early.
4. Give time, a service or old toys/clothes to a charity
This family routine came in from a LearnVest reader, and we really liked it. Kids can learn a lot about necessities and wants by recognizing what people live without. A common routine, but one that should not be overlooked, is having a family donation to a charity for those less fortunate. Ask your kids to search for items, toys, or clothes that they no longer use and contribute those items a collection box.
Around holiday season, suggest that they give a service that can save money for others (i.e. babysitting one night for free or taking on responsibilities around the house for free). This will not only be a family activity bringing everyone together in the decision making process, but teaches children habits of giving/service that will hopefully last a lifetime.
5. Bring an article or a question about personal finance to the dinner table
Allocating a specified time to talk about household finances or a current event that pertains to issues such as savings, unemployment and consumer spending is a great way to maintain a dialogue with your kids on money management. By including them in the conversation about household finances and eliciting their feedback and questions, you can empower them with a sense of responsibility and confidence when it comes to personal finance.
If they have a question about purchasing an item they really want, run the numbers with them so they understand how much they earn from part-time jobs and how much they can save in one month, on year, etc. for that special purchase. My parents did this with me, and I always felt like I was an 'adult' with my money because of it.
In conclusion, since this precious education is not yet taught widely in schools --- we can bring it home! Please share with us any great lessons you have.
Follow Alexa von Tobel on Twitter: www.twitter.com/alexavontobel
Monday, May 31, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully parenting with love and logic
Harvest life gracefully- parenting with love and logic, I recommend this book to read. It makes so much sense!
Make Your Kids Responsible for Their Actions
Do You Only Care About Your Kids' "Image"?
By Jim Fay
A joke hit the Internet recently. The problem is that it is not a joke. It's a serious concern to all those who work with today's youth. A high school staff met to design the perfect recording for their telepjavascript:void(0)hone answering machine. The staff looked at several possibilities and finally agreed on the following:
To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2
To complain about what we do - Press 3
To swear at staff members – Press 4
To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5
If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
To request another teacher for the third time this year - Press 8
To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
To demand that your child get a higher grade - Press 0
If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable/responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, and homework, and that it's not the teacher's fault for your child's lack of effort, hang up and have a great day.
I have consulted in many schools and know how overloaded teachers are today. I have witnessed the fact that teachers don’t have enough spare time during the day to eat or go to the bathroom, let alone to do all the things society asks of them. This being true, why do you suppose a staff would spend its time fantasizing about this kind of thing?
Sad to say, the teachers are recognizing a national epidemic. It's the "Jet-Powered Turbo-Attack Helicopter Parent Model" epidemic. It rears its ugly head in all communities, but is especially excessive and out of control in the more affluent communities where parents have the financial resources and power to intimidate schools and community agencies.
If this is not you, just read on for the enjoyment.
Many of today's parents are obsessed with the desire to create a perfect image for their kids. This perfect image, or perfect life, is one in which their kids never have to face struggle, inconvenience, discomfort, or disappointment. It is a life in which the child can be launched into adulthood with the best of credentials. These kids look great on paper. Their high school and college diplomas show high grades even if they were not earned. They lead a life where their mistakes are swept under the table. I have often heard these parents say, "It's a competitive world out there and I want my kids to have every advantage. What they do when they are young should not hold them back later."
These parents, in their zeal to protect their young, swoop down like jet-powered, attack helicopters on any person or agency who might hold their children accountable for their actions. Armed with verbal smart bombs, they are quick to blast away at anyone who sets high standards for behavior, morality, or achievement.
Declaring their child a victim is a favorite tactical maneuver designed to send school personnel diving into the trenches for protection. Teachers and school administrators become worn down by this constant barrage. As they give in to parental demands that their children not be held accountable, standards are eroded and teachers gradually think, "What's the use?"
It is horribly disappointing to watch kids learn to blame others for their lack of success instead of becoming people who reach goals through effort and determination.
All this has caused me to look back thirty years ago to the time when we first wrote about Helicopter Parents. I now realize that those parents were relatively harmless compared to the modern-day version. I daily hear about the "turbo jet-powered models" designed for deadly attack. Some of these parents are not satisfied with protection, but even prefer to destroy the infrastructure of the very agencies that are dedicated to helping their children grow into educated, moral human beings.
Now you tell me. Is it possible for children who have never had to stand on their own two feet, never had to be responsible for their own actions, or never had to face and solve the smaller problems of childhood, to have the tools to face the rigors of adult life in America? We all know the answer to that.
Can the young adult who gets that perfect job perform well enough to keep that job if his grades from school were the result of teacher intimidation instead of vigorous study? The company who hires this person won't be easily intimidated by parental pressure in the face of substandard performance.
A perfect image and perfect school transcript are poor substitutes for character and the attitude that achievement comes through struggle and perseverance.
I have worked with many parents who have fallen into this trap. They all love their children. They all want the best for them. They talk about how they don't want their kids to struggle like they did. They are prone to rush to blame others for any lack of achievement on their children's part. These parents are willing to hold others responsible for their children's actions. However, they are often willing to change their parenting style once they see the crippling effects of this parenting style. Many of these parents have said to me, "I now realize that even if I succeed in creating a perfect life for my kid, there is little chance that he/she can maintain it without my help."
YOUR CHILD CAN RISE TO THE TOP
One very astute father once said to me, "Jim, I've got it. There is a huge group of trophy kids growing up today who won’t have the character and resilience to compete in the labor market. If my kid grows up knowing how to get what he wants through struggle and character, he will be the one with the true advantage. He will stand head and shoulders above the others because he has the tools to create his own perfect life. Now that I have learned that I can discipline my child without losing his love, I have the courage to abandon my old crippling parenting style. The Love and Logic approach to raising my kid will give all of us the tools it takes to make this happen."
Jim Fay is president and cofounder of the Love and Logic Institute in Golden, CO, and coauthor of the best-selling book, Parenting with Love and Logic. For more information about Love and Logic parenting and teaching techniques, call 800-33/8-4065.
Make Your Kids Responsible for Their Actions
Do You Only Care About Your Kids' "Image"?
By Jim Fay
A joke hit the Internet recently. The problem is that it is not a joke. It's a serious concern to all those who work with today's youth. A high school staff met to design the perfect recording for their telepjavascript:void(0)hone answering machine. The staff looked at several possibilities and finally agreed on the following:
To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2
To complain about what we do - Press 3
To swear at staff members – Press 4
To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5
If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
To request another teacher for the third time this year - Press 8
To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
To demand that your child get a higher grade - Press 0
If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable/responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, and homework, and that it's not the teacher's fault for your child's lack of effort, hang up and have a great day.
I have consulted in many schools and know how overloaded teachers are today. I have witnessed the fact that teachers don’t have enough spare time during the day to eat or go to the bathroom, let alone to do all the things society asks of them. This being true, why do you suppose a staff would spend its time fantasizing about this kind of thing?
Sad to say, the teachers are recognizing a national epidemic. It's the "Jet-Powered Turbo-Attack Helicopter Parent Model" epidemic. It rears its ugly head in all communities, but is especially excessive and out of control in the more affluent communities where parents have the financial resources and power to intimidate schools and community agencies.
If this is not you, just read on for the enjoyment.
Many of today's parents are obsessed with the desire to create a perfect image for their kids. This perfect image, or perfect life, is one in which their kids never have to face struggle, inconvenience, discomfort, or disappointment. It is a life in which the child can be launched into adulthood with the best of credentials. These kids look great on paper. Their high school and college diplomas show high grades even if they were not earned. They lead a life where their mistakes are swept under the table. I have often heard these parents say, "It's a competitive world out there and I want my kids to have every advantage. What they do when they are young should not hold them back later."
These parents, in their zeal to protect their young, swoop down like jet-powered, attack helicopters on any person or agency who might hold their children accountable for their actions. Armed with verbal smart bombs, they are quick to blast away at anyone who sets high standards for behavior, morality, or achievement.
Declaring their child a victim is a favorite tactical maneuver designed to send school personnel diving into the trenches for protection. Teachers and school administrators become worn down by this constant barrage. As they give in to parental demands that their children not be held accountable, standards are eroded and teachers gradually think, "What's the use?"
It is horribly disappointing to watch kids learn to blame others for their lack of success instead of becoming people who reach goals through effort and determination.
All this has caused me to look back thirty years ago to the time when we first wrote about Helicopter Parents. I now realize that those parents were relatively harmless compared to the modern-day version. I daily hear about the "turbo jet-powered models" designed for deadly attack. Some of these parents are not satisfied with protection, but even prefer to destroy the infrastructure of the very agencies that are dedicated to helping their children grow into educated, moral human beings.
Now you tell me. Is it possible for children who have never had to stand on their own two feet, never had to be responsible for their own actions, or never had to face and solve the smaller problems of childhood, to have the tools to face the rigors of adult life in America? We all know the answer to that.
Can the young adult who gets that perfect job perform well enough to keep that job if his grades from school were the result of teacher intimidation instead of vigorous study? The company who hires this person won't be easily intimidated by parental pressure in the face of substandard performance.
A perfect image and perfect school transcript are poor substitutes for character and the attitude that achievement comes through struggle and perseverance.
I have worked with many parents who have fallen into this trap. They all love their children. They all want the best for them. They talk about how they don't want their kids to struggle like they did. They are prone to rush to blame others for any lack of achievement on their children's part. These parents are willing to hold others responsible for their children's actions. However, they are often willing to change their parenting style once they see the crippling effects of this parenting style. Many of these parents have said to me, "I now realize that even if I succeed in creating a perfect life for my kid, there is little chance that he/she can maintain it without my help."
YOUR CHILD CAN RISE TO THE TOP
One very astute father once said to me, "Jim, I've got it. There is a huge group of trophy kids growing up today who won’t have the character and resilience to compete in the labor market. If my kid grows up knowing how to get what he wants through struggle and character, he will be the one with the true advantage. He will stand head and shoulders above the others because he has the tools to create his own perfect life. Now that I have learned that I can discipline my child without losing his love, I have the courage to abandon my old crippling parenting style. The Love and Logic approach to raising my kid will give all of us the tools it takes to make this happen."
Jim Fay is president and cofounder of the Love and Logic Institute in Golden, CO, and coauthor of the best-selling book, Parenting with Love and Logic. For more information about Love and Logic parenting and teaching techniques, call 800-33/8-4065.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully tips on how not to forget to remove your baby from the car
Harvest Life Gracefully follow these steps and you will never forget to remove your child from the car. This will avoid unnecessary harm or deaths of children.
How to Remember to Remove Your Baby from the Car
nethopperz Member
By nethopperz, eHow Member
I am heartbroken each time I watch the news and learn that another parent has forgotten their baby in the car and returned to find that something horrible has happened. I will be a parent soon and these are the things that keep me awake at night. After careful thought, I would like to offer some free and relatively easy solutions that may help new parents to overcome unexpected diversions that too often direct your attention away from your baby.
Step 1
Develop a new routine to always check the back seat of a vehicle before you leave it, whether it is yours or not. Another important thing to do when you approach a vehicle is to look completely around it for hidden obstructions like children or toys. When you reach your destination and exit the vehicle, immediately open the back door and look into the back seat. Do this whether you know that you have your baby in the car or not. It is imperative that this becomes a habit for both parents and for anyone who will ever transport your child. If you are certain that you dropped the child off at the daycare or if you know that today is not your day to drive them, remember... making a careless mistake on the wrong day has needlessly cost the lives of too many young children.
Step 2
If you are an employer, you have the ability and should make it a priority to watch after employees who transport young children prior to coming to work. Designate several rows of parking spaces for parents only. Have a few people routinely walk through the parking lot each morning to check those cars for forgotten children. This is a perfect job for security guards whose job is to patrol the parking lot anyway. Offer them an incentive to perform these checks. Also, post signs in the entrance of your building with a reminder about leaving small children in vehicles unattended.
Step 3
Become better acquainted with your co-workers and develop a habit of asking other parents of young children how their children were doing this morning and what color shirt did their teacher have on this morning. Just that type of reminder may cause a person to remember that they never actually dropped the child off. Pay attention to small details. When you walk into the building from the parking lot, keep an eye out for car seats and casually look into cars as you walk past.
Step 4
What's in your backseat?
For the parents of small children who take them to daycare daily, be sure that your daycare has a list of emergency numbers, including several work numbers. Ask that they call each number and let someone know if you have not dropped your child off with them after a certain time. Check your cell phone each morning after arriving at work to be sure nobody has left messages for you. If you use Microsoft Outlook, set daily reminders asking whether you remembered your child. If you carry a briefcase with you to work, always put it in the back seat in the floor beside your child's car seat. That way, you will have to open the back door to retrieve it and you may discover an important surprise when you least expect it.
Step 5
Hopefully, some of these tips will help parents to remember what is most important. If work becomes too stressful and you have difficulty focusing on the things that you are supposed to do, stop for a moment. Take a deep breath. Exhale slowly and ask yourself, "Why am I at work?" Your most obvious response is "to make money." Why do you need money? To take care of your family because they are important to you. Do not forget this! Take an extra 10 seconds out of your hectic morning commute to simply check the back seat of your car!
Step 6
If you are a parent and you are reading this article at work, stop what you are doing and go check your car. Do it right now! Tell your boss that you need a breath of fresh air. If this article helps save just one child, then it will be the most important thing I've ever written for this website.
How to Remember to Remove Your Baby from the Car
nethopperz Member
By nethopperz, eHow Member
I am heartbroken each time I watch the news and learn that another parent has forgotten their baby in the car and returned to find that something horrible has happened. I will be a parent soon and these are the things that keep me awake at night. After careful thought, I would like to offer some free and relatively easy solutions that may help new parents to overcome unexpected diversions that too often direct your attention away from your baby.
Step 1
Develop a new routine to always check the back seat of a vehicle before you leave it, whether it is yours or not. Another important thing to do when you approach a vehicle is to look completely around it for hidden obstructions like children or toys. When you reach your destination and exit the vehicle, immediately open the back door and look into the back seat. Do this whether you know that you have your baby in the car or not. It is imperative that this becomes a habit for both parents and for anyone who will ever transport your child. If you are certain that you dropped the child off at the daycare or if you know that today is not your day to drive them, remember... making a careless mistake on the wrong day has needlessly cost the lives of too many young children.
Step 2
If you are an employer, you have the ability and should make it a priority to watch after employees who transport young children prior to coming to work. Designate several rows of parking spaces for parents only. Have a few people routinely walk through the parking lot each morning to check those cars for forgotten children. This is a perfect job for security guards whose job is to patrol the parking lot anyway. Offer them an incentive to perform these checks. Also, post signs in the entrance of your building with a reminder about leaving small children in vehicles unattended.
Step 3
Become better acquainted with your co-workers and develop a habit of asking other parents of young children how their children were doing this morning and what color shirt did their teacher have on this morning. Just that type of reminder may cause a person to remember that they never actually dropped the child off. Pay attention to small details. When you walk into the building from the parking lot, keep an eye out for car seats and casually look into cars as you walk past.
Step 4
What's in your backseat?
For the parents of small children who take them to daycare daily, be sure that your daycare has a list of emergency numbers, including several work numbers. Ask that they call each number and let someone know if you have not dropped your child off with them after a certain time. Check your cell phone each morning after arriving at work to be sure nobody has left messages for you. If you use Microsoft Outlook, set daily reminders asking whether you remembered your child. If you carry a briefcase with you to work, always put it in the back seat in the floor beside your child's car seat. That way, you will have to open the back door to retrieve it and you may discover an important surprise when you least expect it.
Step 5
Hopefully, some of these tips will help parents to remember what is most important. If work becomes too stressful and you have difficulty focusing on the things that you are supposed to do, stop for a moment. Take a deep breath. Exhale slowly and ask yourself, "Why am I at work?" Your most obvious response is "to make money." Why do you need money? To take care of your family because they are important to you. Do not forget this! Take an extra 10 seconds out of your hectic morning commute to simply check the back seat of your car!
Step 6
If you are a parent and you are reading this article at work, stop what you are doing and go check your car. Do it right now! Tell your boss that you need a breath of fresh air. If this article helps save just one child, then it will be the most important thing I've ever written for this website.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully by keeping your children safe
Harvest life gracefully by keeping your children safe. This article gives you excellent advice on how to keep your children safe.
This article is from Time.com By Jessica Reaves.
How to Keep Your Child Safe
It's every parent's worst nightmare: A child is snatched from the playground in broad daylight never to be seen or heard from again. And it feels like it's happening all the time. But while it may seem like we are in the midst of a kidnapping epidemic, the truth is much less scary. According to data from the U.S. Justice Department and the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC), kidnappings are on the decline.
Each year, between 200 and 300 kids are taken in "stereotypical" kidnappings (i.e. grabbed from their homes or playgrounds and then murdered or held for ransom), and 50 to 150 are murdered. Officials expect this year's total number to dip to near 100, hopefully dragging down the murder rate accordingly. And despite what you might reasonably think after hearing the terrible stories of Elizabeth Smart (who was returned safely home more than nine months after her abduction) and Samantha Runnion, the specter of kidnapping by strangers should not be parents' primary concern; parents themselves perpetrate more than 98 percent of all kidnappings, according to the DOJ. While about 700,000 missing children reports were filed in 2001, only a tiny percentage of those cases were non-family abductions. And here's one piece of positive news: 94 percent of kidnapped children are returned to their parents.
But even as the number of kidnappings declines, and the statistical probability of kidnapping grows smaller, parents continue to be understandably anxious. How can I protect my child? How can I make sure that my child is alert without scaring him too much?
When a stranger approaches
Ernie Allen, president of the NCMEC, understands and applauds the impulse to educate our children, and urges parents to be alert without giving in to fear. He admits it's a tough line to walk. "We need to be prepared, to think about every eventuality, but we don't want to dwell on the worst that could happen," he says. "We don't want to terrify our kids or leave ourselves paralyzed with fear." Here, Allen offers some suggestions for parents.
Know where your kids are, especially young children.
Don't let them go out alone; there is safety in numbers.
Know who they're with.
Speak openly with them about their safety.
Practice what you talk about; go over scenarios and ask your kids what they would do.
We need to empower our children, says Allen. "We need to rethink what we've told our kids over the years." "Don't take candy from strangers" is good advice. But in the vast majority of non-family abductions, perpetrators don't fit kids' idea of a "stranger" — they're not necessarily scary or creepy.
The NCMEC has a "No, Go, Tell" plan for kids, which goes like this:
Kids have the right to say no. If a grown-up comes to a child asking for help looking for a puppy or for directions, the child should get a trusted adult to help instead.
Kids don't have to be polite. We put a huge premium on making sure our kids are polite to a fault, especially to adults, and that translates into: "do what the man says."
Communicate. If a child feels frightened, they should be encouraged to talk with a trusted person: mom, dad, counselor or teacher. The message for parents? Listen to your kids.
Here are a few facts about non-family abductors: They tend to be male, and, despite the "dirty old man" tag, most are younger than 35 and of average or above average intelligence. In an overwhelming number of cases, their motives are sexual. Most are not true strangers to the children they take; they target one child and seek their confidence, often by developing a casual relationship with them.
All in the family
Beyond the terrifying sketch-artist renderings of anonymous kidnappers, there is the grim reality of family abductors, who make up the vast majority of kidnapping offenders.
If you're dealing with a messy custody battle, or you fear a member of your family may be planning to abduct your child, Allen emphasizes that there are things you can do:
Keep the lines of communication open and establish an atmosphere in your home that encourages kids to talk to you about what's going on in their lives.
Teach your children your telephone number and area code, teach them how to contact you or close friends.
Tell them you love them and that you always want to see them, no matter what anybody else tells them.
Most family-member abductions happen only after the offender has talked about taking a child, so it's important, says Allen, to pay attention to what you consider threats.
If you identify a family member who talks about taking a child, collect and keep pertinent information (social security numbers, credit cards, etc.) about them on hand.
Address the legal issues: have a valid custody order, don't just assume anything.
And finally, one last piece of advice for all parents, courtesy of the NCMEC: Take lots of pictures of your kids. Photos work when it comes to finding children, says Allen, and it's very important for families to have recent, full-face photos of their children, as well as accurate information about their hair color, weight, height and any distinguishing physical characteristics. Parents may also want to keep dental and medical records on hand in a safe place. This can speed up the process, and this is a situation where every hour counts. Seventy-four percent of abducted children who are murdered are killed within the first three hours of their kidnapping.
Read more: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,321889,00.html#ixzz0pBj6a3iT
This article is from Time.com By Jessica Reaves.
How to Keep Your Child Safe
It's every parent's worst nightmare: A child is snatched from the playground in broad daylight never to be seen or heard from again. And it feels like it's happening all the time. But while it may seem like we are in the midst of a kidnapping epidemic, the truth is much less scary. According to data from the U.S. Justice Department and the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC), kidnappings are on the decline.
Each year, between 200 and 300 kids are taken in "stereotypical" kidnappings (i.e. grabbed from their homes or playgrounds and then murdered or held for ransom), and 50 to 150 are murdered. Officials expect this year's total number to dip to near 100, hopefully dragging down the murder rate accordingly. And despite what you might reasonably think after hearing the terrible stories of Elizabeth Smart (who was returned safely home more than nine months after her abduction) and Samantha Runnion, the specter of kidnapping by strangers should not be parents' primary concern; parents themselves perpetrate more than 98 percent of all kidnappings, according to the DOJ. While about 700,000 missing children reports were filed in 2001, only a tiny percentage of those cases were non-family abductions. And here's one piece of positive news: 94 percent of kidnapped children are returned to their parents.
But even as the number of kidnappings declines, and the statistical probability of kidnapping grows smaller, parents continue to be understandably anxious. How can I protect my child? How can I make sure that my child is alert without scaring him too much?
When a stranger approaches
Ernie Allen, president of the NCMEC, understands and applauds the impulse to educate our children, and urges parents to be alert without giving in to fear. He admits it's a tough line to walk. "We need to be prepared, to think about every eventuality, but we don't want to dwell on the worst that could happen," he says. "We don't want to terrify our kids or leave ourselves paralyzed with fear." Here, Allen offers some suggestions for parents.
Know where your kids are, especially young children.
Don't let them go out alone; there is safety in numbers.
Know who they're with.
Speak openly with them about their safety.
Practice what you talk about; go over scenarios and ask your kids what they would do.
We need to empower our children, says Allen. "We need to rethink what we've told our kids over the years." "Don't take candy from strangers" is good advice. But in the vast majority of non-family abductions, perpetrators don't fit kids' idea of a "stranger" — they're not necessarily scary or creepy.
The NCMEC has a "No, Go, Tell" plan for kids, which goes like this:
Kids have the right to say no. If a grown-up comes to a child asking for help looking for a puppy or for directions, the child should get a trusted adult to help instead.
Kids don't have to be polite. We put a huge premium on making sure our kids are polite to a fault, especially to adults, and that translates into: "do what the man says."
Communicate. If a child feels frightened, they should be encouraged to talk with a trusted person: mom, dad, counselor or teacher. The message for parents? Listen to your kids.
Here are a few facts about non-family abductors: They tend to be male, and, despite the "dirty old man" tag, most are younger than 35 and of average or above average intelligence. In an overwhelming number of cases, their motives are sexual. Most are not true strangers to the children they take; they target one child and seek their confidence, often by developing a casual relationship with them.
All in the family
Beyond the terrifying sketch-artist renderings of anonymous kidnappers, there is the grim reality of family abductors, who make up the vast majority of kidnapping offenders.
If you're dealing with a messy custody battle, or you fear a member of your family may be planning to abduct your child, Allen emphasizes that there are things you can do:
Keep the lines of communication open and establish an atmosphere in your home that encourages kids to talk to you about what's going on in their lives.
Teach your children your telephone number and area code, teach them how to contact you or close friends.
Tell them you love them and that you always want to see them, no matter what anybody else tells them.
Most family-member abductions happen only after the offender has talked about taking a child, so it's important, says Allen, to pay attention to what you consider threats.
If you identify a family member who talks about taking a child, collect and keep pertinent information (social security numbers, credit cards, etc.) about them on hand.
Address the legal issues: have a valid custody order, don't just assume anything.
And finally, one last piece of advice for all parents, courtesy of the NCMEC: Take lots of pictures of your kids. Photos work when it comes to finding children, says Allen, and it's very important for families to have recent, full-face photos of their children, as well as accurate information about their hair color, weight, height and any distinguishing physical characteristics. Parents may also want to keep dental and medical records on hand in a safe place. This can speed up the process, and this is a situation where every hour counts. Seventy-four percent of abducted children who are murdered are killed within the first three hours of their kidnapping.
Read more: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,321889,00.html#ixzz0pBj6a3iT
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully by accepting your parents and forgiving them for their errors
Harvest Life Gracefully by forgiving your parents for their own trials and errors. When we look back at how our parents raised us, there are so many of us who had expectations of what our parents should or should not have done. These expectations can cause us to have bitterness and anger directed towards them. We have the tendency to forget that they are human beings trying to survive in this world with the skills and tools which they had learned. Some has better skills, others don't it all depends on what was taught and learned. We are products from our own learning experiences. I found the article below that will give you food for thought on this subject manner.
Parenting Tips on the Ability to Forgive and Reconcile
By Kim Siang Ng
Do not let children grow up thinking it is okay to be bitter or angry with their parents or worse, hate their parents. As parent, you do not plant the seeds of bitterness or anger in the mind of your children by pouring your bitterness or unhappiness onto your children. Instead show your children the greatness of togetherness by taking them to visit their grandparents or have meals together on a regular basis. Single parent is more prone to affect the young mind of their children by telling them events or incidents committed by the other parent that had hurt the single parent's feelings. Problems or issues between the parents are best kept amongst themselves and not turn to their children. It is not fair for either of the parents to expect their children to take side or sympathize with either of them.
As children, we were taught to love, respect and be filial to our parents. We are required to respect our parents from time immemorial just simply because they are our parents! Take note that we are not taught to respect "good", "perfect", "wonderful", "nice", "great" or "fantastic" parents. No human is perfect in this world and our parents are just ordinary human beings, so they do make mistakes and errors in their life.
It saddens me to see that the relationship between parents and children can turn so terribly wrong sometimes. Whatever that had happened in the past, there must be something that the children can be grateful for. What about the parental care given to the children while they were still infants? At the minimum, any parent would have invested money and considerable efforts in bringing up their children and provide their children with certain levels of education to make their children what they are today. Furthermore, these children were well taken care of to become a healthy adult today. Even if our parents had failed us miserably in the past, just treat them as they are today and forgive them for their past.
The children must not let the anger blinds their eyes so much that they failed to see the kindness that they have received from their parents. They must not be so ungrateful that they took things for granted. There is no point in keeping negative memories of the past. One cannot keep all these negative emotions bottled up and remain unforgiving forever.
During their twilight years, the parents welcome their children's presence and company more than anything else. A visit by their children will bring them warmth and comfort to their hearts and tears of joy. No matter what had happened in the past, choose forgiveness and reconciliation rather than animosity.
Ng Kim Siang
He is a Systems Analyst by profession and has spent a large part of his career managing large technology projects in the Banking industry. He holds a Master in Business Administration from the University of Bath UK and is currently pursuing a Diploma on Pre-School Educator Course. Visit his website now to discover more... http://www.TipsToEnrichYourLife.com/parenting
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kim_Siang_Ng
Parenting Tips on the Ability to Forgive and Reconcile
By Kim Siang Ng
Do not let children grow up thinking it is okay to be bitter or angry with their parents or worse, hate their parents. As parent, you do not plant the seeds of bitterness or anger in the mind of your children by pouring your bitterness or unhappiness onto your children. Instead show your children the greatness of togetherness by taking them to visit their grandparents or have meals together on a regular basis. Single parent is more prone to affect the young mind of their children by telling them events or incidents committed by the other parent that had hurt the single parent's feelings. Problems or issues between the parents are best kept amongst themselves and not turn to their children. It is not fair for either of the parents to expect their children to take side or sympathize with either of them.
As children, we were taught to love, respect and be filial to our parents. We are required to respect our parents from time immemorial just simply because they are our parents! Take note that we are not taught to respect "good", "perfect", "wonderful", "nice", "great" or "fantastic" parents. No human is perfect in this world and our parents are just ordinary human beings, so they do make mistakes and errors in their life.
It saddens me to see that the relationship between parents and children can turn so terribly wrong sometimes. Whatever that had happened in the past, there must be something that the children can be grateful for. What about the parental care given to the children while they were still infants? At the minimum, any parent would have invested money and considerable efforts in bringing up their children and provide their children with certain levels of education to make their children what they are today. Furthermore, these children were well taken care of to become a healthy adult today. Even if our parents had failed us miserably in the past, just treat them as they are today and forgive them for their past.
The children must not let the anger blinds their eyes so much that they failed to see the kindness that they have received from their parents. They must not be so ungrateful that they took things for granted. There is no point in keeping negative memories of the past. One cannot keep all these negative emotions bottled up and remain unforgiving forever.
During their twilight years, the parents welcome their children's presence and company more than anything else. A visit by their children will bring them warmth and comfort to their hearts and tears of joy. No matter what had happened in the past, choose forgiveness and reconciliation rather than animosity.
Ng Kim Siang
He is a Systems Analyst by profession and has spent a large part of his career managing large technology projects in the Banking industry. He holds a Master in Business Administration from the University of Bath UK and is currently pursuing a Diploma on Pre-School Educator Course. Visit his website now to discover more... http://www.TipsToEnrichYourLife.com/parenting
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kim_Siang_Ng
Monday, May 24, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully Blog Talk Radio about positive parenting
Harvest Life Gracefully by listening to Blog Talk Radio on the principals on positive parenting.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully, positive parenting tips
Harvest Life Gracefully, some tips for positive parenting
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Tips for Positive Parenting
May 20, 2010 by Leslie Leyland Fields for Beliefnet
Many parents today feel overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy and guilt. I am convinced that many of our struggles come from believing that it is our job to be perfect parents. But we don't need to get caught up in false beliefs that cause stress and worry. Read the eight truths about parenting that will free you to be a more positive parent.
Leslie Leyland Fields is a mother of six and author of "Parenting Is Your Highest Calling, and Eight Other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt" (Waterbrook). She lives in Kodiak, Alaska.
1. You May Not Feel Loving Every Minute
Before we have children, we believe we’ll always love them unconditionally. But it’s not too many years after they arrive that the I-love-you/you-love-me-back arrangement is gone. In the hard times, we can easily jump to the wrong conclusion: I don’t feel loving toward my child, therefore I must not love my child.
The question is not, “Am I feeling loving toward my child?” but “Am I being loving toward my child?” If we’re supporting, encouraging, and disciplining our kids--if we're committed to their highest good--we are loving them. Don't worry about fluctuating feelings.
2. We Don't Need to Obsess Over Success
Increasingly, parents seem to measure their success by the achievements of their children. But this current obsession is leading to all kinds of excesses, including overscheduling and overprotection. We need to let go of our obsession with success, both for our sakes and our children’s. Our children need breathing room, unstructured play time, and the ability to make mistakes and learn from them. Most of all, we need to value and love our children not for their achievements, but simply for who they are.
3. Our Kids Have Their Own Purpose
Before we became parents, many of us believed that children would bring us happiness, fulfillment, as well as tons of fun! We soon discover that these moments do arrive, but along with them come many moments of, well, not so much fun. All parents feel surprised at how much work parenting is. But in many ways we receive more than we give. Children teach us how little we know—the beginning of real wisdom. Children expand our hearts. They free us from our self-focus and open us to the needs and love of others. Children don’t exist to fulfill us. Ultimately, they are here to find their own purpose and to contribute to the world in some way.
4. There's No Parenting Formula
While there are many helpful parenting books out there, some offer formulaic models based on behavior modification, obedience training, and rigid discipline. The underlying assumptions: we should be in control of our children at all times, and children shouldn’t mess up our lives. Raising children is inherently messy, thrilling, and unpredictable. Parenting "experts" and "one size fits all" parenting formulas cannot raise our children for us. We raise our children. Our children are too complex, creative, and unique to be raised by recipes or formulas.
5. We Don't Have to Buy Them Happiness
We often think the best measurement of our parenting skill is how happy our children are. Toward this goal, we put TVs in our kids’ rooms, go into debt for lavish birthday parties and vacations, and fix the foods our children clamor for instead of what they need. Our job as parents is not to make our children happy, but to help them become good people—compassionate, honest, responsible, hard-working. When a 10-year-old already obsessed with video games asks for an iPod, or a 16-year-old wants us to buy him a car, we may need to say no. The 10-year-old needs to gain some maturity and discipline; the 16-year-old could earn the money for a car. Our job is to help our children distinguish between their short-term happiness and the long-term good of their character.
6. Is Not Our Only Calling
Yes, we are called to love our families, but also to love our neighbors. When we focus exclusively on our children, we risk turning them into idols. Our children can grow up oblivious to others’ needs and the needs of the planet, believing they are the center of the universe. Enjoy your family and cultivate times of togetherness, but also enlarge your children’s scope. Take them with you as you volunteer. They’ll gain an outward, compassionate focus that can enable them to become generous citizens and good parents themselves someday
7. We Can Be Less Anxious
“I just want my kids to be safe.” How many times have I said this and heard other parents say the same? Of course we want our kids to be in safe cars, schools, and homes. But this desire for safety can spiral out of control, fed by fear, and lead to what some are already calling “the anxious generation.” Too much caution will cripple our children with fear and limit their enjoyment and effectiveness in life. As parents, we need to practice safety, but we also need to practice trust and faith. Kids need challenges and adventures to stretch their abilities and give them self-confidence, problem-solving skills, and courage—attributes every successful adult needs.
8. We Don't Need to Be Perfect
Many of us live with the realities of divorce, single-parenting, blended families, teen pregnancy, and many other less-than-perfect circumstances. We often feel like failures, and worry about our children’s security and success and their own future families. But there is no perfect family. Families throughout history were often marked by imperfection, yet the children from those families still accomplished much. With attentive parenting, we can help turn adversity into strength. For instance, I travel often to teach and speak. While our family is apart, my kids have learned to cook and manage the house. Our own family limitations never limit our children’s faith or their possibilities.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tips for Positive Parenting
May 20, 2010 by Leslie Leyland Fields for Beliefnet
Many parents today feel overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy and guilt. I am convinced that many of our struggles come from believing that it is our job to be perfect parents. But we don't need to get caught up in false beliefs that cause stress and worry. Read the eight truths about parenting that will free you to be a more positive parent.
Leslie Leyland Fields is a mother of six and author of "Parenting Is Your Highest Calling, and Eight Other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt" (Waterbrook). She lives in Kodiak, Alaska.
1. You May Not Feel Loving Every Minute
Before we have children, we believe we’ll always love them unconditionally. But it’s not too many years after they arrive that the I-love-you/you-love-me-back arrangement is gone. In the hard times, we can easily jump to the wrong conclusion: I don’t feel loving toward my child, therefore I must not love my child.
The question is not, “Am I feeling loving toward my child?” but “Am I being loving toward my child?” If we’re supporting, encouraging, and disciplining our kids--if we're committed to their highest good--we are loving them. Don't worry about fluctuating feelings.
2. We Don't Need to Obsess Over Success
Increasingly, parents seem to measure their success by the achievements of their children. But this current obsession is leading to all kinds of excesses, including overscheduling and overprotection. We need to let go of our obsession with success, both for our sakes and our children’s. Our children need breathing room, unstructured play time, and the ability to make mistakes and learn from them. Most of all, we need to value and love our children not for their achievements, but simply for who they are.
3. Our Kids Have Their Own Purpose
Before we became parents, many of us believed that children would bring us happiness, fulfillment, as well as tons of fun! We soon discover that these moments do arrive, but along with them come many moments of, well, not so much fun. All parents feel surprised at how much work parenting is. But in many ways we receive more than we give. Children teach us how little we know—the beginning of real wisdom. Children expand our hearts. They free us from our self-focus and open us to the needs and love of others. Children don’t exist to fulfill us. Ultimately, they are here to find their own purpose and to contribute to the world in some way.
4. There's No Parenting Formula
While there are many helpful parenting books out there, some offer formulaic models based on behavior modification, obedience training, and rigid discipline. The underlying assumptions: we should be in control of our children at all times, and children shouldn’t mess up our lives. Raising children is inherently messy, thrilling, and unpredictable. Parenting "experts" and "one size fits all" parenting formulas cannot raise our children for us. We raise our children. Our children are too complex, creative, and unique to be raised by recipes or formulas.
5. We Don't Have to Buy Them Happiness
We often think the best measurement of our parenting skill is how happy our children are. Toward this goal, we put TVs in our kids’ rooms, go into debt for lavish birthday parties and vacations, and fix the foods our children clamor for instead of what they need. Our job as parents is not to make our children happy, but to help them become good people—compassionate, honest, responsible, hard-working. When a 10-year-old already obsessed with video games asks for an iPod, or a 16-year-old wants us to buy him a car, we may need to say no. The 10-year-old needs to gain some maturity and discipline; the 16-year-old could earn the money for a car. Our job is to help our children distinguish between their short-term happiness and the long-term good of their character.
6. Is Not Our Only Calling
Yes, we are called to love our families, but also to love our neighbors. When we focus exclusively on our children, we risk turning them into idols. Our children can grow up oblivious to others’ needs and the needs of the planet, believing they are the center of the universe. Enjoy your family and cultivate times of togetherness, but also enlarge your children’s scope. Take them with you as you volunteer. They’ll gain an outward, compassionate focus that can enable them to become generous citizens and good parents themselves someday
7. We Can Be Less Anxious
“I just want my kids to be safe.” How many times have I said this and heard other parents say the same? Of course we want our kids to be in safe cars, schools, and homes. But this desire for safety can spiral out of control, fed by fear, and lead to what some are already calling “the anxious generation.” Too much caution will cripple our children with fear and limit their enjoyment and effectiveness in life. As parents, we need to practice safety, but we also need to practice trust and faith. Kids need challenges and adventures to stretch their abilities and give them self-confidence, problem-solving skills, and courage—attributes every successful adult needs.
8. We Don't Need to Be Perfect
Many of us live with the realities of divorce, single-parenting, blended families, teen pregnancy, and many other less-than-perfect circumstances. We often feel like failures, and worry about our children’s security and success and their own future families. But there is no perfect family. Families throughout history were often marked by imperfection, yet the children from those families still accomplished much. With attentive parenting, we can help turn adversity into strength. For instance, I travel often to teach and speak. While our family is apart, my kids have learned to cook and manage the house. Our own family limitations never limit our children’s faith or their possibilities.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully- positive parenting- knowing how to cope with bullies when parenting
Harvest Life Gracefully by knowing, bullies are a part of life but learning to deal with them can be learned.
You Can't Stop School Bullies Until You Stop Adults Who Teach Them How
Author: Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem M.Ed.
Children who are bullied need to know they are not the problem. Bullying is about the bully needing to feel powerful. They believe their wants are more important than anyone else's. They have learned to be abusers.
Bullying always involves
· Intimidation through specific tactics meant to instill fear
· Threats of emotional, physical and psychological harm
· Discrimination by accusing the victim of being inferior or wrong
· Isolation of the victim from others who may give support.
We must help the victims. This can be done by;
· Listening to their stories of life at school
· Watching for changes in behaviour, especially from happy to fearful
· Observing their play and listening to how they interact with others
· Asking about any indications that hint at being afraid or avoiding people or places.
You are looking for fear of the school yard, anxiety about who will be in their class, talk of having no friends, worry about their teacher's treatment of them and in general a focus on feeling safe rather than excited to be able to learn and grow.
We can identify bullies by;
· Watching the way they talk to and about other children
· Observing the way their parents speak to them
· Look at who their friends are and the interaction between them
· Paying attention to the types of games they play and TV programs they prefer.
Signs include belittling and name calling, talk of "getting" other people, a superior attitude with lack of care and empathy for others and forming groups where the group acts aggressively against siblings, younger children or members of a race, religion or sexual orientation. Bullies often present as confident and popular so people believe they are not the cause of the problem.
Parents must hold school officials accountable to stop abusive behaviour on the school yard and in the classroom. The first place to look is at the principals and teachers who bully students.
Every school year parents work to keep their children out of certain teacher's classes because those teachers are bullies. It is often the parents who are least involved in their children's lives whose children get the abusive teachers.
Too often children are seen as the problem, their aches and pains and reluctance to go to school are looked at but not the classroom environment.
· Parents can work together.
· Get supportive people to work as a group to hold bullies accountable.
· Avoid TV programs that show bullies in action.
· Be Self aware of tactics you may use to get your way
· Watch the way others speak to your child and confront abuse.
People who bully are usually going about their lives confident that the victim's physical and emotional reactions were because they are too sensitive, not mentally well and author of their own misfortune.
Bullies have usually been bullied. They are afraid of appearing weak or fearful. They need to tell their story of who has bullied them and how that behaviour has influenced their life to break the chain. It may be a parent, sibling, grandparent, friend, neighbour, role model on television, religious leader or teacher. Legal tactics include bullying as do many other forms of business interaction. Many workplaces are filled with bullies. War is bullying to the extreme.
There are lifelong repercussions of bullying that effect the way a person functions in their home and in society. Bullying causes a loss in self confidence, hinders achievement, disrupts routines, brings fear into the lives of parents and children, prevents parents from protecting their children out of their own fear and leads to Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.
Accountability involves forgiveness. Bullies need to,
· Hear the impact of their behaviour on their victim
· Be willing to accept responsibility for the harm they have done
· Compensate the victim
· Apologize
Society must evolve to a point where bullies are held accountable and their behaviour is seen as unacceptable if we are to ever live in peace as people, nations and globally.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/parenting-articles/you-cant-stop-school-bullies-until-you-stop-adults-who-teach-them-how-512110.html
About the AuthorMarilyn Barnicke Belleghem M.Ed. is a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist who consults to families in business on relationship issues including bullying. More About Marilyn
Marilyn is author of books on personal growth through travel. Questing Home: A Safe Place for My Holy Grail is her third book and is about Marilyn's experience of being bullied by her former husband, his lawyer and others as she went through the process of divorce.
Read the Preface and Chapter One Free
You Can't Stop School Bullies Until You Stop Adults Who Teach Them How
Author: Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem M.Ed.
Children who are bullied need to know they are not the problem. Bullying is about the bully needing to feel powerful. They believe their wants are more important than anyone else's. They have learned to be abusers.
Bullying always involves
· Intimidation through specific tactics meant to instill fear
· Threats of emotional, physical and psychological harm
· Discrimination by accusing the victim of being inferior or wrong
· Isolation of the victim from others who may give support.
We must help the victims. This can be done by;
· Listening to their stories of life at school
· Watching for changes in behaviour, especially from happy to fearful
· Observing their play and listening to how they interact with others
· Asking about any indications that hint at being afraid or avoiding people or places.
You are looking for fear of the school yard, anxiety about who will be in their class, talk of having no friends, worry about their teacher's treatment of them and in general a focus on feeling safe rather than excited to be able to learn and grow.
We can identify bullies by;
· Watching the way they talk to and about other children
· Observing the way their parents speak to them
· Look at who their friends are and the interaction between them
· Paying attention to the types of games they play and TV programs they prefer.
Signs include belittling and name calling, talk of "getting" other people, a superior attitude with lack of care and empathy for others and forming groups where the group acts aggressively against siblings, younger children or members of a race, religion or sexual orientation. Bullies often present as confident and popular so people believe they are not the cause of the problem.
Parents must hold school officials accountable to stop abusive behaviour on the school yard and in the classroom. The first place to look is at the principals and teachers who bully students.
Every school year parents work to keep their children out of certain teacher's classes because those teachers are bullies. It is often the parents who are least involved in their children's lives whose children get the abusive teachers.
Too often children are seen as the problem, their aches and pains and reluctance to go to school are looked at but not the classroom environment.
· Parents can work together.
· Get supportive people to work as a group to hold bullies accountable.
· Avoid TV programs that show bullies in action.
· Be Self aware of tactics you may use to get your way
· Watch the way others speak to your child and confront abuse.
People who bully are usually going about their lives confident that the victim's physical and emotional reactions were because they are too sensitive, not mentally well and author of their own misfortune.
Bullies have usually been bullied. They are afraid of appearing weak or fearful. They need to tell their story of who has bullied them and how that behaviour has influenced their life to break the chain. It may be a parent, sibling, grandparent, friend, neighbour, role model on television, religious leader or teacher. Legal tactics include bullying as do many other forms of business interaction. Many workplaces are filled with bullies. War is bullying to the extreme.
There are lifelong repercussions of bullying that effect the way a person functions in their home and in society. Bullying causes a loss in self confidence, hinders achievement, disrupts routines, brings fear into the lives of parents and children, prevents parents from protecting their children out of their own fear and leads to Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.
Accountability involves forgiveness. Bullies need to,
· Hear the impact of their behaviour on their victim
· Be willing to accept responsibility for the harm they have done
· Compensate the victim
· Apologize
Society must evolve to a point where bullies are held accountable and their behaviour is seen as unacceptable if we are to ever live in peace as people, nations and globally.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/parenting-articles/you-cant-stop-school-bullies-until-you-stop-adults-who-teach-them-how-512110.html
About the AuthorMarilyn Barnicke Belleghem M.Ed. is a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist who consults to families in business on relationship issues including bullying. More About Marilyn
Marilyn is author of books on personal growth through travel. Questing Home: A Safe Place for My Holy Grail is her third book and is about Marilyn's experience of being bullied by her former husband, his lawyer and others as she went through the process of divorce.
Read the Preface and Chapter One Free
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully when dealing with defiance in teenagers
Harvest Life Gracefully when dealing with defiance in teenagers. Here is an article with 5 simple steps by Jamie Sullivan
Defiance is a common behavior in most teenagers, worse in some. Typically, when kids reach the teenage years, they are trying to establish independence. While being independent is a good thing, defiance is not. If you find you have a teen who continually acts out, challenging your authority, the following five steps will help. While a number of steps in dealing with a defiant teen are available, we have provided you with the ones in which we feel the strongest.
1. Choose your Battles - You need to understand that teenagers are going to act out from time to time. This type of behavior is a part of the growing process, similar to a baby bird trying its wings. Expect that throughout the teen years, you are going to be faced with numerous challenges, some major and some minor. If you choose your battles wisely, you are not constantly harping on your child about something but only the really, important things. This does not mean you have to accept back talk but know when to battle and when not to battle. Allow your child a little breathing room to experiment without going over the line.
2. Understand your Child - Of all these steps for dealing with a defiant teen, this one is extra important. It could be that your child is being defiant for a reason. For instance, he or she may be having trouble with another student or teacher at school, perhaps someone has said or done something inappropriately and your child does not know how to handle the situation. Instead of talking about it, the problem manifests in the form of defiance. Therefore, before you assume your teen is simply being difficult, make sure you know what is going on in his/her life.
3. Yes and No - Set the rules with your child, saying yes when you mean yes and no when you mean no - then sticking with the decision. Often, children will be defiant simply because they know they can get away with it. As the parent, you have to set some firm rules and keep to them!
4. Guidance - All teenagers need guidance. Without it, they are like fish out of the water, flopping around hoping they do okay. With a defiant teen, you cannot impose strict rules all at once, but if you add guidance in gradually and identify penalties, you will find your teen is more apt to adjust. Keep in mind that defiance in the form of hostile behavior is a desperate cry for help stemming from deep-seeded problems. Your child might be the victim of bullying or be considering some type of self-harm. With guidance, you are taking a huge load off the child that inside, is appreciated.
5. Activities - Of our final steps for dealing with a defiant teen, get your teenager involved with activities, with or without the family. Boredom is a common problem during teenage years so give him/her something to do. This could be through a program at school or an independent activity to include martial arts, dance, baseball, etc.
Did you know a lot of parents nowadays have difficulties in dealing with their defiant teenagers? You don't need to be among one of them when you know how to deal with your defiant teenagers using these tried and tested techniques. Find out about them here. http://www.ManageYourChild.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jamie_Sullivan
Defiance is a common behavior in most teenagers, worse in some. Typically, when kids reach the teenage years, they are trying to establish independence. While being independent is a good thing, defiance is not. If you find you have a teen who continually acts out, challenging your authority, the following five steps will help. While a number of steps in dealing with a defiant teen are available, we have provided you with the ones in which we feel the strongest.
1. Choose your Battles - You need to understand that teenagers are going to act out from time to time. This type of behavior is a part of the growing process, similar to a baby bird trying its wings. Expect that throughout the teen years, you are going to be faced with numerous challenges, some major and some minor. If you choose your battles wisely, you are not constantly harping on your child about something but only the really, important things. This does not mean you have to accept back talk but know when to battle and when not to battle. Allow your child a little breathing room to experiment without going over the line.
2. Understand your Child - Of all these steps for dealing with a defiant teen, this one is extra important. It could be that your child is being defiant for a reason. For instance, he or she may be having trouble with another student or teacher at school, perhaps someone has said or done something inappropriately and your child does not know how to handle the situation. Instead of talking about it, the problem manifests in the form of defiance. Therefore, before you assume your teen is simply being difficult, make sure you know what is going on in his/her life.
3. Yes and No - Set the rules with your child, saying yes when you mean yes and no when you mean no - then sticking with the decision. Often, children will be defiant simply because they know they can get away with it. As the parent, you have to set some firm rules and keep to them!
4. Guidance - All teenagers need guidance. Without it, they are like fish out of the water, flopping around hoping they do okay. With a defiant teen, you cannot impose strict rules all at once, but if you add guidance in gradually and identify penalties, you will find your teen is more apt to adjust. Keep in mind that defiance in the form of hostile behavior is a desperate cry for help stemming from deep-seeded problems. Your child might be the victim of bullying or be considering some type of self-harm. With guidance, you are taking a huge load off the child that inside, is appreciated.
5. Activities - Of our final steps for dealing with a defiant teen, get your teenager involved with activities, with or without the family. Boredom is a common problem during teenage years so give him/her something to do. This could be through a program at school or an independent activity to include martial arts, dance, baseball, etc.
Did you know a lot of parents nowadays have difficulties in dealing with their defiant teenagers? You don't need to be among one of them when you know how to deal with your defiant teenagers using these tried and tested techniques. Find out about them here. http://www.ManageYourChild.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jamie_Sullivan
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully by getting tips on how to deal with tantrums
Harvest Life Gracefully, learn how to deal with your child's tantrums.
Tantrums are a part of every family. We have seen them from our own children or from a friends. Here are some ideas that may help you next when your child decides to throw one.
Break Your Toddlers Tantrum Cycle
Author: sue rees
I'm sure that many of us have come across a child having a tantrum. Either our own, a grandchild or a friends. In all these cases something may have triggered it.
Frustration, tiredness, anger, hunger, discomfort, to manipulate parents into buying them something and to seek attention. Understand your child and what sets him/her off and you will be able to manage the event better.
Described as equal to having a blown fuse. They can be displayed by screaming, kicking, bursts of yelling, head bashing and throwing themselves on the floor. They sometimes show signs of destruction and can hurt themselves badly if not watched.
Tantrums most often occur during ages 1-3 years (hence the terrible 2's). But have been known to happen in some four year olds. I have witnessed this in teenagers also.
They show expressions of frustration, which occur most frequently when children's language skills are not fully matured and they cannot express themselves clearly.
As children develop they want to make decisions on their own but have trouble conveying themselves properly.
Some ideas that may help to manage a tantrum episode are ….
To stop them from having a tantrum in the middle of the supermarket is ignore the event. Walk away from the situation, walk into another isle, keeping a close eye on him/her at all times. As soon as he/she realises that they are alone he/she will stop crying and start looking for you. You need to comfort them, get down onto your knees and have eye contact with him/her, speak calmly without yelling. All children want to be spoken to lovingly and directly, doesn't matter what age. Yelling will only make matters worse, so stay calm, you are the adult here. Teach children how to act and behave in a manner that is acceptable.
Another way to handle a tantrum is to change the focus by diverting their attention to something else. “Hey, look at that bird at the window.” By moving their thoughts into another direction will calm the situation.
Don't reward the tantrum by giving in to his/her demands. If he/she wants a biscuit before dinner and you have already said no, don't reward their behaviour by letting them have one just so they will cease the action. Do this and you are teaching them that if they act this way they will get what they want from you or a caregiver.
It is not bad parenting when a child has a tantrum, it is a part of their progress. Children will eventually grow out of this stage in his/her life. They will learn to communicate better and understand language. Situations will become less frustrating, he/she will learn to understand more and this will help them to assess any problem and deal with it maturely.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/parenting-articles/break-your-toddlers-tantrum-cycle-1909371.html
About the AuthorSue Rees, I have studied Child Psychology and certificates in Children's Service's, worked with children for many years. Have a daughter of my own and eight nieces and nephews.
Have a look at my website and tell me what you think. www.ideasforweightloss.blogspot.com
Tantrums are a part of every family. We have seen them from our own children or from a friends. Here are some ideas that may help you next when your child decides to throw one.
Break Your Toddlers Tantrum Cycle
Author: sue rees
I'm sure that many of us have come across a child having a tantrum. Either our own, a grandchild or a friends. In all these cases something may have triggered it.
Frustration, tiredness, anger, hunger, discomfort, to manipulate parents into buying them something and to seek attention. Understand your child and what sets him/her off and you will be able to manage the event better.
Described as equal to having a blown fuse. They can be displayed by screaming, kicking, bursts of yelling, head bashing and throwing themselves on the floor. They sometimes show signs of destruction and can hurt themselves badly if not watched.
Tantrums most often occur during ages 1-3 years (hence the terrible 2's). But have been known to happen in some four year olds. I have witnessed this in teenagers also.
They show expressions of frustration, which occur most frequently when children's language skills are not fully matured and they cannot express themselves clearly.
As children develop they want to make decisions on their own but have trouble conveying themselves properly.
Some ideas that may help to manage a tantrum episode are ….
To stop them from having a tantrum in the middle of the supermarket is ignore the event. Walk away from the situation, walk into another isle, keeping a close eye on him/her at all times. As soon as he/she realises that they are alone he/she will stop crying and start looking for you. You need to comfort them, get down onto your knees and have eye contact with him/her, speak calmly without yelling. All children want to be spoken to lovingly and directly, doesn't matter what age. Yelling will only make matters worse, so stay calm, you are the adult here. Teach children how to act and behave in a manner that is acceptable.
Another way to handle a tantrum is to change the focus by diverting their attention to something else. “Hey, look at that bird at the window.” By moving their thoughts into another direction will calm the situation.
Don't reward the tantrum by giving in to his/her demands. If he/she wants a biscuit before dinner and you have already said no, don't reward their behaviour by letting them have one just so they will cease the action. Do this and you are teaching them that if they act this way they will get what they want from you or a caregiver.
It is not bad parenting when a child has a tantrum, it is a part of their progress. Children will eventually grow out of this stage in his/her life. They will learn to communicate better and understand language. Situations will become less frustrating, he/she will learn to understand more and this will help them to assess any problem and deal with it maturely.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/parenting-articles/break-your-toddlers-tantrum-cycle-1909371.html
About the AuthorSue Rees, I have studied Child Psychology and certificates in Children's Service's, worked with children for many years. Have a daughter of my own and eight nieces and nephews.
Have a look at my website and tell me what you think. www.ideasforweightloss.blogspot.com
Monday, May 3, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully- Positive Parenting- 25 WAYS TO TALK SO YOUR CHILDREN WILL LISTEN
Harvest Life Gracefully- Positve Parenting, learn 25 ways to talk so your children will listen. This is a helpful advice for any parent that struggles to get their child to listen.
Click on link below to read
25 WAYS TO TALK SO YOUR CHILDREN WILL LISTEN
Click on link below to read
25 WAYS TO TALK SO YOUR CHILDREN WILL LISTEN
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully- learning how a parents role can affect a child's behavior development
Harvest Life Gracefully by learning how a parents role affects a child's behavior development. Here is an article about this.
It's Important to Educate your Child from Early
Author: wawan
Parents have important role for their child behavior development. Children behavior is developed for how their parents taught/educated on their early age. If a child gets bad leader from their parents or from people surrounding/the environments he/she lives then child will become for what he saw the most and will copy them.
There for parents should be good role model in front of their child. A child is very fast to absorb all kind of things and behavior he/she sees, hear and learn because they couldn't separate the good and bad for what they absorb. For them is like an "informal education". Parents should realize to give their child good examples and became good leader/role model in the child daily life.
For an example, if parents use polite language for daily communication in front of their child; if the parents like to write, read or paint or exercise, automatically their child will copy those activities. These will become good "capital" for their child's future. You will be so proud of your child and realize that they got "the capital" from you as their role model and good leader for them. Do you agree?
Below are tips how to educate your child from early age, which you can do at home - daily:
1. Give your child good example and involve them actively in some activities. You can leader them to re-organize the toys every time they finished playing with it. Softly leader your child to start reading book along with you, as it will become good alternative for your child. Provide them with children book story with attractive and colorful illustrations. This will attract them to like reading and open their view as well as to bond the good relationship between your child and you as parents.
Teach them how to write and prove them with board or some parts of your house wall as a media for them to transfer their imagination and creativity into that media. You can see how creative and imaginative your child is.
2. You can softly and patiently exampling your child with discipline in time management. Child until 5 years old needs more time to rest/sleep compare to adult. A mother should teach their child when she/he can play and when she/he should rest/sleep. These will help the child to have strong immunity in health.
3. Always avoid your child from bad examples. Please don not argue, lie, in-discipliner, hits/fight, use strong language in front of your child. Please also guide your child when seeing television/movie and continuously advice your child from time to time. A child is very easy to copy what they seen.
4. Spare time with your children. These days, most of the parents are busy and lots of them are working yet it's important to spare time with your children hence to have parent-children interactive. This will show how much you love them and strong parents-children bonds. It's good for you and your children future.
So parents… good luck
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/parenting-articles/it039s-important-to-educate-your-child-from-early-2261492.html
About the AuthorWAWAN - Ultimate Parenting Tool
It's Important to Educate your Child from Early
Author: wawan
Parents have important role for their child behavior development. Children behavior is developed for how their parents taught/educated on their early age. If a child gets bad leader from their parents or from people surrounding/the environments he/she lives then child will become for what he saw the most and will copy them.
There for parents should be good role model in front of their child. A child is very fast to absorb all kind of things and behavior he/she sees, hear and learn because they couldn't separate the good and bad for what they absorb. For them is like an "informal education". Parents should realize to give their child good examples and became good leader/role model in the child daily life.
For an example, if parents use polite language for daily communication in front of their child; if the parents like to write, read or paint or exercise, automatically their child will copy those activities. These will become good "capital" for their child's future. You will be so proud of your child and realize that they got "the capital" from you as their role model and good leader for them. Do you agree?
Below are tips how to educate your child from early age, which you can do at home - daily:
1. Give your child good example and involve them actively in some activities. You can leader them to re-organize the toys every time they finished playing with it. Softly leader your child to start reading book along with you, as it will become good alternative for your child. Provide them with children book story with attractive and colorful illustrations. This will attract them to like reading and open their view as well as to bond the good relationship between your child and you as parents.
Teach them how to write and prove them with board or some parts of your house wall as a media for them to transfer their imagination and creativity into that media. You can see how creative and imaginative your child is.
2. You can softly and patiently exampling your child with discipline in time management. Child until 5 years old needs more time to rest/sleep compare to adult. A mother should teach their child when she/he can play and when she/he should rest/sleep. These will help the child to have strong immunity in health.
3. Always avoid your child from bad examples. Please don not argue, lie, in-discipliner, hits/fight, use strong language in front of your child. Please also guide your child when seeing television/movie and continuously advice your child from time to time. A child is very easy to copy what they seen.
4. Spare time with your children. These days, most of the parents are busy and lots of them are working yet it's important to spare time with your children hence to have parent-children interactive. This will show how much you love them and strong parents-children bonds. It's good for you and your children future.
So parents… good luck
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/parenting-articles/it039s-important-to-educate-your-child-from-early-2261492.html
About the AuthorWAWAN - Ultimate Parenting Tool
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully- time for reflection on parenting
Harvest Life Gracefully by reflecting on parenting.
Parenting and nature have more in common than you'd think. Natural parenting expert Mark J Stevens tells you why.
Top 10 Things Nature and Parenting Have in Common
Author: Mark J Stevens
The separation of humans and nature is an illusion. We humans have artificially distanced ourselves from nature to a certain extent. But we are just as much a part of nature as the trees, birds, and rivers.
1) Human children and nature’s other offspring all need food, light, air to breath, and an advantageous environment.
2) Love flows through the veins of human parents and through the mommy and daddy fish that protect their eggs in rushing rivers.
3) Not only human children cry, pout, or scream when they want that extra something they shouldn’t be eating too much of at the dinner table. Children of other species often do their best to aggravate their parents.
4) Both children and nature contain surprising elements such as a wonderful heritage provided by intricate genes. Human parents, animals, and even plants have a great deal in common from a genetic point of view.
5) We all have certain strategies or instincts with which we select our partners to bear our children.
6) We all have a home -- whether it is a house, a hut, a cave, a meadow, a forest, or a nest -- we are all parents and/or children and we are all part of nature.
7) Nature and parenting contain a flexibility to be blown by life's storms, yet return to stand strong and steadfast. We bend, but do not break.
8) When loved and introduced to nature by parents, children’s “natural intelligence” increases and they remain closer to their natural roots.
9) Children’s closeness to parents and closeness to nature are both important and go hand-in-hand. Parents give children love and information. Equally important is the information and love children receive from their environment, which their parents indirectly provide them with by placing children in the lap of nature.
10) Parents and nature change form with time. But we all endure!
Healthy parenting and interaction with nature help drive our children’s natural senses. A natural stepping-stone to allow relationships across the entire ecosystem is thus formed. Children thereby remain part of their natural surroundings, instead of the missing piece of a puzzle.
About the AuthorMark Stevens, American author of Luisa's Nature (Wyatt MacKenzie Publishing, Fall 2007), is a journalist for Crain's Automotive News Europe. Fluent in French, Spanish and German, Mark has enjoyed extensive world travel throughout much of his life. Shaped by the rural New Jersey setting of his youth, Mark continues to explore the richness of nature with his wife and two children on the outskirts of Munich, Germany. http://www.luisasnature.com
Parenting and nature have more in common than you'd think. Natural parenting expert Mark J Stevens tells you why.
Top 10 Things Nature and Parenting Have in Common
Author: Mark J Stevens
The separation of humans and nature is an illusion. We humans have artificially distanced ourselves from nature to a certain extent. But we are just as much a part of nature as the trees, birds, and rivers.
1) Human children and nature’s other offspring all need food, light, air to breath, and an advantageous environment.
2) Love flows through the veins of human parents and through the mommy and daddy fish that protect their eggs in rushing rivers.
3) Not only human children cry, pout, or scream when they want that extra something they shouldn’t be eating too much of at the dinner table. Children of other species often do their best to aggravate their parents.
4) Both children and nature contain surprising elements such as a wonderful heritage provided by intricate genes. Human parents, animals, and even plants have a great deal in common from a genetic point of view.
5) We all have certain strategies or instincts with which we select our partners to bear our children.
6) We all have a home -- whether it is a house, a hut, a cave, a meadow, a forest, or a nest -- we are all parents and/or children and we are all part of nature.
7) Nature and parenting contain a flexibility to be blown by life's storms, yet return to stand strong and steadfast. We bend, but do not break.
8) When loved and introduced to nature by parents, children’s “natural intelligence” increases and they remain closer to their natural roots.
9) Children’s closeness to parents and closeness to nature are both important and go hand-in-hand. Parents give children love and information. Equally important is the information and love children receive from their environment, which their parents indirectly provide them with by placing children in the lap of nature.
10) Parents and nature change form with time. But we all endure!
Healthy parenting and interaction with nature help drive our children’s natural senses. A natural stepping-stone to allow relationships across the entire ecosystem is thus formed. Children thereby remain part of their natural surroundings, instead of the missing piece of a puzzle.
About the AuthorMark Stevens, American author of Luisa's Nature (Wyatt MacKenzie Publishing, Fall 2007), is a journalist for Crain's Automotive News Europe. Fluent in French, Spanish and German, Mark has enjoyed extensive world travel throughout much of his life. Shaped by the rural New Jersey setting of his youth, Mark continues to explore the richness of nature with his wife and two children on the outskirts of Munich, Germany. http://www.luisasnature.com
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully-by teaching respect
Harvest Life Gracefully by teaching our children to respect adults
Teaching a child to respect you and other adults starts when they are toddlers. Here are simple and easy things you can do to ensure your child learns respect.
Author: george ferguson
If you've tried bribing punishing negotiating and even screaming - but your child still doesn't listen then read how these parents stopped the bad behavior once and for all... I am sure many of you have been exposed to a child who simply does not respect adults through their actions or words. Children learn these behaviors when they are toddlers. The first thing any parent needs to do is to teach the child to respect their parents. 'No' is one of the first words a child learns because a parent is usually telling them 'no'. They are mimicking your words no rebelling against you at this age. There is a big difference. I'm not suggesting you stop telling your child 'no' what I am suggesting is how you tell your child 'no'. When we are raising our children we need to choose our words carefully it will effect they way they see themselves and others around them. Children need boundaries as we all do teaching these boundaries through love will help develop a healthy sense of respect for themselves and others.
As your baby starts to crawl and walk they discover many things that are interesting to pick up and touch. Not all of these things are appropriate for them handle. For example if your child is reaching for a breakable item most people will shout yell or firmly say 'NO'. This tone of voice and volume is what stops the child from picking up or touching this item. Sometimes it will cause the child to cry bringing guilt to the parent for using such harsh tones and volume of voice therefore comforting the child and bringing confusion to the child's mind. First to shout 'NO' then you give comfort. Another way to handle this situation is say to the child 'this is not for baby (or use child's name) in a calm voice. While removing the item for the reach of the child or removing the child from the dangerous area. Distract the child with another toy or object that is appropriate for him/her to have at this time. Now life would be so perfect if it was that easy most children will return to the object in question and continue to touch the object in question. At this time a firm 'no' is appropriate. Do not feel guilty as the child begins to cry as you are only looking out for his/her safety and setting boundaries of your parental wisdom. Remember a child left unattended for a few seconds or minutes will usually find something interesting to catch their attention.
If your child is past this stage and already in the toddler stage of saying 'no' to mommy and daddy you will need to change this habit quickly. It's not so cute when your high school child tells you 'no' when you ask them to do something. Whenever your child does something you think is cute and you laugh at them they will continue this behavior knowing they got a positive response from you. Picture this same action from a 10 year old or older it may not be so cute. At that time you punish them for a behavior they were once receiving positive feedback. This is confusing and hurtful to a child. Be consistent with praise and discipline on their behavior. When a child says 'no' out of rebellion this is not acceptable behavior. You will need to nip it in the bud. Start by speaking lovingly to the child explaining they may not say 'no' to you. You will need to decide with your spouse an appropriate discipline for this action. At this time you will explain to your child if they say 'no' this discipline will take place. Mind you you will need to communicate this so that they understand. Always ask your child to repeat to you what you just informed them. This is to verify they understood what you are asking of them and it also reinforces it in their mind. Most children at this time will test the boundaries and see if you will follow through with your actions. You need to be consistent on your discipline. Teaching your child is THE most important job you have being consistent is the key to this. If you are busy washing dishes making the bed or cleaning house you will need to stop what you are doing and take care of this issue. Your words tone of voice and actions are all under a microscope with this child. They will mimic your voice tone words and actions.
So far I have discussed a child learning to talk with disrespect. I also want to focus on children interrupting. As I pointed out earlier your child and his/her upbringing is the most important job you have. I also need to emphasize that there are times your child will need to learn not to interrupt you and other adults. This is a social skill they will need later in life. No one likes to be interrupted. Teaching your child they have to wait until it is their turn to speak is a valuable lesson. How you teach your child to behave will make the difference for them later in life. A rude and misbehaving child is not one other people will want to be around. If you have friends avoiding playmate times with you or your child is having difficulty making friends you may need to reevaluate how you have taught your child to behave. It is never too late to teach your child respectful behavior. Remember you cannot be a hypocrite you must respect to get respect.
Teaching a child to respect you and other adults starts when they are toddlers. Here are simple and easy things you can do to ensure your child learns respect.
Author: george ferguson
If you've tried bribing punishing negotiating and even screaming - but your child still doesn't listen then read how these parents stopped the bad behavior once and for all... I am sure many of you have been exposed to a child who simply does not respect adults through their actions or words. Children learn these behaviors when they are toddlers. The first thing any parent needs to do is to teach the child to respect their parents. 'No' is one of the first words a child learns because a parent is usually telling them 'no'. They are mimicking your words no rebelling against you at this age. There is a big difference. I'm not suggesting you stop telling your child 'no' what I am suggesting is how you tell your child 'no'. When we are raising our children we need to choose our words carefully it will effect they way they see themselves and others around them. Children need boundaries as we all do teaching these boundaries through love will help develop a healthy sense of respect for themselves and others.
As your baby starts to crawl and walk they discover many things that are interesting to pick up and touch. Not all of these things are appropriate for them handle. For example if your child is reaching for a breakable item most people will shout yell or firmly say 'NO'. This tone of voice and volume is what stops the child from picking up or touching this item. Sometimes it will cause the child to cry bringing guilt to the parent for using such harsh tones and volume of voice therefore comforting the child and bringing confusion to the child's mind. First to shout 'NO' then you give comfort. Another way to handle this situation is say to the child 'this is not for baby (or use child's name) in a calm voice. While removing the item for the reach of the child or removing the child from the dangerous area. Distract the child with another toy or object that is appropriate for him/her to have at this time. Now life would be so perfect if it was that easy most children will return to the object in question and continue to touch the object in question. At this time a firm 'no' is appropriate. Do not feel guilty as the child begins to cry as you are only looking out for his/her safety and setting boundaries of your parental wisdom. Remember a child left unattended for a few seconds or minutes will usually find something interesting to catch their attention.
If your child is past this stage and already in the toddler stage of saying 'no' to mommy and daddy you will need to change this habit quickly. It's not so cute when your high school child tells you 'no' when you ask them to do something. Whenever your child does something you think is cute and you laugh at them they will continue this behavior knowing they got a positive response from you. Picture this same action from a 10 year old or older it may not be so cute. At that time you punish them for a behavior they were once receiving positive feedback. This is confusing and hurtful to a child. Be consistent with praise and discipline on their behavior. When a child says 'no' out of rebellion this is not acceptable behavior. You will need to nip it in the bud. Start by speaking lovingly to the child explaining they may not say 'no' to you. You will need to decide with your spouse an appropriate discipline for this action. At this time you will explain to your child if they say 'no' this discipline will take place. Mind you you will need to communicate this so that they understand. Always ask your child to repeat to you what you just informed them. This is to verify they understood what you are asking of them and it also reinforces it in their mind. Most children at this time will test the boundaries and see if you will follow through with your actions. You need to be consistent on your discipline. Teaching your child is THE most important job you have being consistent is the key to this. If you are busy washing dishes making the bed or cleaning house you will need to stop what you are doing and take care of this issue. Your words tone of voice and actions are all under a microscope with this child. They will mimic your voice tone words and actions.
So far I have discussed a child learning to talk with disrespect. I also want to focus on children interrupting. As I pointed out earlier your child and his/her upbringing is the most important job you have. I also need to emphasize that there are times your child will need to learn not to interrupt you and other adults. This is a social skill they will need later in life. No one likes to be interrupted. Teaching your child they have to wait until it is their turn to speak is a valuable lesson. How you teach your child to behave will make the difference for them later in life. A rude and misbehaving child is not one other people will want to be around. If you have friends avoiding playmate times with you or your child is having difficulty making friends you may need to reevaluate how you have taught your child to behave. It is never too late to teach your child respectful behavior. Remember you cannot be a hypocrite you must respect to get respect.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully- Keep your child safe
Harvest life Gracefully by keeping your child safe. I discovered a product that tracks your child's location at all times. Amber Alert GPS is the product. I recommend this product for any parent. No more fear, worries or anxiety when your child is out of your site. Watch the video to learn how it works. Click on the Amber Alert picture to get product Now!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully-Spanking May Make a Child More Aggressive - US News and World Report
Harvest Life Gracefully by positive parenting and understanding that spanking a child is not positive parenting. Children learn by example, if we spank or hit they learn that hitting is OK. Spanking causes fear in a child, the child does not learn how their and why their misbehavior is wrong by spanking them. I believe spanking is abusive.
Spanking May Make a Child More Aggressive - US News and World Report
Spanking May Make a Child More Aggressive - US News and World Report
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