Understanding long term effects on students who are being bullied is to harvest life gracefully.

Another way to harvest life gracefully is to understand and educate yourself about the long term effects of being bullied at school. I can understand these effects, base on my own personal expierences. It will cause low self-worth, feeling like a nothing, you will even question why you are alive and be confuse to what your purpose is. It is not unusual to conteplate or even attempt sucide just to escape from the emotional pain. I can't imagine nothing any worse than feeling unloved, unwanted and having no place in this world. These are all thoughts and feelings that I expirenced by being verbally bullied thoughout elementry, middle and high school. I agree with Vickie Britton in her article below, that you can and probably suffer the lasting efects twenty or thirty years later. I have certain triggers that will take my mind back as if it is still happening today. This is not easy for the people I am close to. Beccause they don't always know how to respond. If you get a chance read what I have already posted on my story page in how anxiety sunk in during my high school years and how the anxiety caused even more misery to my life. I hope everyone will take the time to understand and educate themselves on this subject matter. I believe it is also important to understand and educate what causes a bully to be a bully.


The Long-Term Effect on Students Victimized by School Bullies

Apr 10, 2010 Vickie Britton
Students who were bullied in elementary, middle, or high school may suffer lasting effects even twenty or thirty years later.

Most adults have a horror story or two about the school bully. But for some students, the harassment may begin as early as elementary school, escalate during middle school and continue through high school. Years of emotional and physical bullying can cause lasting damage.

Bullying is a form of abuse. One child or a small group may be singled out for harassment, often for little or no reason. Once it becomes a pattern, this form of behavior can spread throughout a classroom or school until a single child or group of "outsiders" is subjected to daily verbal or physical abuse by others.
Types of Bullying Commonly Experienced

For many bullied students, the school years are filled with anxiety and dread. Ex-students recall being singled out for abuse by name-calling, being shunned and ostracized, and even beaten. Students recall being pushed into walls, knocked to the ground, and sustaining cuts and bruises on a daily basis.

Bullying often occurs in contained areas such as school buses or bathrooms. It may also take place in the classroom, school cafeteria, gym locker room, or even in the hallways between classes. Some provide painful testimony of verbal abuse, such as repeated name-calling. Others are jabbed with sharp objects such as pens in the hallway or they're mocked and humiliated in the gym shower or locker room. Many report that teachers and other adults knew what was going on but did nothing to stop the continual bullying.
The Lasting Effects of Bullying

The pain of being bullied in school can be felt years later. Many victims of bullying bear emotional scars that haunt them decades after the abuse has stopped. Many students who had been bullied in middle school or high school report feeling a sense of withdrawal from others, fear of expressing opinions, even fear of closed-in spaces or other places similar to the ones where the bullying occurred. The effects of this trauma are felt for years.

Read more at Suite101: The Long-Term Effect on Students Victimized by School Bullies http://clinical-psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/the-long-term-effect-of-students-victimized-by-school-bullies#ixzz0tVhiVPxV

Harvest Life Gracefully- positive parenting- knowing how to cope with bullies when parenting

Harvest Life Gracefully by knowing, bullies are a part of life but learning to deal with them can be learned.

You Can't Stop School Bullies Until You Stop Adults Who Teach Them How

Author: Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem M.Ed.

Children who are bullied need to know they are not the problem. Bullying is about the bully needing to feel powerful. They believe their wants are more important than anyone else's. They have learned to be abusers.
 
Bullying always involves
·        Intimidation through specific tactics meant to instill fear
·        Threats of emotional, physical and psychological harm
·        Discrimination by accusing the victim of being inferior or wrong
·        Isolation of the victim from others who may give support.
 
We must help the victims. This can be done by;
·        Listening to their stories of life at school
·        Watching for changes in behaviour, especially from happy to fearful
·        Observing their play and listening to how they interact with others
·        Asking about any indications that hint at being afraid or avoiding people or places.
 
You are looking for fear of the school yard, anxiety about who will be in their class, talk of having no friends, worry about their teacher's treatment of them and in general a focus on feeling safe rather than excited to be able to learn and grow.
We can identify bullies by;
 
·        Watching the way they talk to and about other children
·        Observing the way their parents speak to them
·        Look at who their friends are and the interaction between them
·        Paying attention to the types of games they play and TV programs they prefer.
 
Signs include belittling and name calling, talk of "getting" other people, a superior attitude with lack of care and empathy for others and forming groups where the group acts aggressively against siblings, younger children or members of a race, religion or sexual orientation. Bullies often present as confident and popular so people believe they are not the cause of the problem.
 
Parents must hold school officials accountable to stop abusive behaviour on the school yard and in the classroom. The first place to look is at the principals and teachers who bully students.
 
Every school year parents work to keep their children out of certain teacher's classes because those teachers are bullies. It is often the parents who are least involved in their children's lives whose children get the abusive teachers.
 
Too often children are seen as the problem, their aches and pains and reluctance to go to school are looked at but not the classroom environment.
·        Parents can work together.
·        Get supportive people to work as a group to hold bullies accountable.
·        Avoid TV programs that show bullies in action.
·        Be Self aware of tactics you may use to get your way
·        Watch the way others speak to your child and confront abuse.
 
People who bully are usually going about their lives confident that the victim's physical and emotional reactions were because they are too sensitive, not mentally well and author of their own misfortune.
 
Bullies have usually been bullied. They are afraid of appearing weak or fearful. They need to tell their story of who has bullied them and how that behaviour has influenced their life to break the chain. It may be a parent, sibling, grandparent, friend, neighbour, role model on television, religious leader or teacher. Legal tactics include bullying as do many other forms of business interaction. Many workplaces are filled with bullies. War is bullying to the extreme.
 
There are lifelong repercussions of bullying that effect the way a person functions in their home and in society. Bullying causes a loss in self confidence, hinders achievement, disrupts routines, brings fear into the lives of parents and children, prevents parents from protecting their children out of their own fear and leads to Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.
 
Accountability involves forgiveness. Bullies need to,
 
·        Hear the impact of their behaviour on their victim
·        Be willing to accept responsibility for the harm they have done
·        Compensate the victim
·        Apologize
 
Society must evolve to a point where bullies are held accountable and their behaviour is seen as unacceptable if we are to ever live in peace as people, nations and globally.
 

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/parenting-articles/you-cant-stop-school-bullies-until-you-stop-adults-who-teach-them-how-512110.html

About the AuthorMarilyn Barnicke Belleghem M.Ed. is a Registered Marriage and Family Therapist who consults to families in business on relationship issues including bullying. More About Marilyn
Marilyn is author of books on personal growth through travel. Questing Home: A Safe Place for My Holy Grail is her third book and is about Marilyn's experience of being bullied by her former husband, his lawyer and others as she went through the process of divorce.
Read the Preface and Chapter One Free

Harvest Life Gracefully by comparing sexual predators with school bullies

What Do School Bullies and Sexual Predators Have in Common?
By Roman Richardson


The world is a scary place and children are increasingly becoming targets of sexual predators. As parents it is our responsibility to arm our children with the safety tools they need. We cannot leave this task to school teachers, law enforcement officials, our government or anyone else. They are our children and they depend on us for more than food, shelter, and clothing. Think about this for a moment...why do some school kids get picked on and pushed around by school bullies? Why is it that a sexual predator will roam around a park or playground and pick out one particular child to victimized. What is the common thread between the bully and the predator when picking their victim?

The common thread is WEAKNESS. The school bully sees a child who is sad and dejected, drooping shoulders, head hung low who seem to say "I don't have a friend in the world." The school bully picks up on the child's weakness, vulnerability and lack of confidence. Sexual predators look for exactly the same things in their victims. This scenario mixed with opportunity is a win-win situation for a child sexual predator.

What can you do?

You as a parent can start by building confidence and self-esteem in your child. Praise the child for the things he does well. In fact, give him projects that you know he does well and build from there. Enroll the child in fun activities where he can associate with other children his age. Have small parties where he can invite a few kids from school; if the party is a hit, the word will get around and he will move from "zero" to "hero" among his peers.

Another word of caution: Do not put your child down or say things such as, "you cannot do anything right" or "you are always messing up." These words are very hurtful and harmful to young minds; we grown-ups do not take a fancy to such words being bellowed at us, how much more damaging to a child.

The idea is to make your child feel good about himself. Tell him how much you love him and that he is a great kid and how proud you are of him. A happy child walks taller, appears confident and will always have friends. More importantly a happy child is less of a target for sexual predators and molesters and yes school bullies. Sexual predators are aware of the heightened scrutiny in the United States. Therefore, these cunning individuals are brushing up their techniques, continuously finding ways of luring your children away from you...do not help them. Protect your family by knowing where they reside. Chances are there is a dangerous individual living near you? You can easily find out if a sexual predator is in your midst.

Harvest Life Gracefully by : Coping With Bullying In School

Harvest life gracefully by reading this article and learn how to cope with bullying in school.
This is a good read for any parent that need information if their child is being bullied.

Coping With Bullying In School - 11 Things Parents And Children Should Know
By Ari Fox

Bullying is a serious and persistent issue in our schools today. Research shows that at least 30% of children are involved in school bullying as bully, victim, or bystander. Bullying can be defined as repeated exposure to negative actions by one or more persons, with the victim having difficulty defending himself. Bullying is aggressive, unwanted, involves a repetitive pattern of behavior and an imbalance of power. It can be verbal, physical, indirect (rumors, gossip), exclusive (leaving someone out) in nature and the bully may take property.

The effects of bullying can be devastating and can lead to depression, low self-esteem, health issues, poor grades, and suicidal thoughts. Children who bully are more likely to drink alcohol and smoke, get into fights, steal and vandalize property and report poor grades. While some schools are becoming more sensitive to the problem and are developing programs to target bullying, it is important for parents to understand some of the dynamics of bullying and to learn ways to help their children cope. The following is a list of guidelines:

Think carefully before reacting. Your instinctual response as a parent may be to jump immediately to action. Your child is suffering and you want to do all that is in your power to protect him or her. However, it is important to keep an emotional reaction in check, as it is not always helpful. Confronting the bully directly can backfire by inciting payback from the tormenter and fostering dependence in the victim. In many situations, the bullied child will have the best outcome if given the opportunity to be actively involved in the solution.

Listening helps. This type of support can go a long way with your child and can reduce the sense of isolation he feels as a result of the bullying. The empathy can help reduce the pain and frustration a child that is being bullied may feel. Have the child recount to you exactly what has been happening, what it has been like for him, and how he has been reacting. Young children might have trouble articulating their experiences and feelings, but might be able to show you in play, with dolls, action figures or role play.

Determine how serious the bullying is. How is your child's behavior affected? If your child is afraid to go to school, can't sleep or concentrate, is complaining of feeling sick or regressing, the situation is serious and contacting the school for help is suggested. Younger children may have more trouble articulating their struggles with a bully, so it may be useful to speak with a teacher or counselor to help assess what is occurring in the school.

Try to understand why your child is being teased. In many situations victims believe they are getting teased for one reason or another: they are bad at sports, they wear glasses, they are late to develop, or classmates think they are ugly or stupid. In fact, many children have one or more of the above "afflictions" but do not get teased. Your child may believe she is being victimized for one reason, but it is really the reaction to the teasing that invites more taunting. The more upset the victim becomes, the greater the chance the abuse will continue.

Speak with your child about her response to the bullying. Validate her feelings, empathize with how horrible the comments must have made her feel, but explain how it will benefit her to disguise or downplay her reaction in a confrontation with a bully. Help your child see that the more a bully sees her getting upset, the more enjoyable the experience will be for the bully and the bully likely will continue.

Even if your child is not being bullied, the chances are he has witnessed bullying. Speak with your child about their experiences. What was it like to see someone being teased, excluded or hurt physically? How does it feel when they are teased themselves or (if they will admit it) when they may have bullied another child in some form. Discussion and role play can help prepare your child for future encounters as either a victim or a bystander.

Empower your child. Develop a plan of action with your child that will prepare him or her for a possible encounter with a bully. This plan can include a discussion of what to say or not to say to the bully, which adults or peers to speak to if necessary and when to walk away. In some cases a child will respond aggressively to a bully's taunts, risking getting himself hurt and in trouble with the school. Parents can work with their children to identify their "danger zones" or things a bully might say that is likely to set them off. This will allow children to practice tolerating the comments and in some cases to have a good comeback handy. Many bullying situations are verbal and children can become less sensitive to name calling by discussing and/or playing interchanges out in a safe setting with a parent or therapist.

Help your child develop methods to remain calm and shift the power balance. Review specific strategies, so that when he is confronted by a bully your child will be more prepared. Some young people I have worked with have found it helpful to envision an invisible wall between them and the bully. This helps them to visualize the bully's words bouncing off the wall, protecting them and limiting the amount of anger they display.

Some children tell me that they let their minds wander into a daydream, telling themselves it is not worth their time to listen to the bully. I have also found it useful to have a child role play both the victim and the bully. It can help the child to pretend to think and act like the bully does. Gaining this understanding can change the dynamic and how he reacts in the situation. Children can also practice stock phrases, expressions, or moving away, so they will be prepared when a bully confronts them.

Keep in mind that children may feel so ashamed about being the victim that they might not approach you. It is important to note any changes in your child's behavior, including irritability, difficulty concentrating, major changes in routine, appetite change or change in mood. Pay attention to complaints of physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach aches, and nausea, as well as new resistance to going to school in the morning. These symptoms are characteristic of anxiety and depression and might result from a stressful bullying situation.

Recognize common traits of bullies. Bullies like to dominate others. They have trouble seeing situations from others' points of view. Bullies refuse to take responsibility for their actions. They blame and criticize to project their own sense of inadequacy toward others. Bullies crave attention and often cannot consider the consequences of their actions. They cannot tolerate differences, as these are considered to be inferior and not worthy of respect. Bullies feel entitled to isolate and humiliate individuals they do not respect.

Learn about programs like CAPSLE. This stands for Creating a Peaceful School Learning Environment. It is an intervention that focuses on the relationships among the victim, bully, and the bystander (including the teacher) during a conflict. All children and adults in a given school participate, helping to reduce stigma. The interaction of all three roles is studied and helps the school community work on understanding, rather than simply reacting. The aim of CAPSLE is to change the way bullying is viewed by the entire school system. To learn more click here. Some programs target only the bullies and the victims. You can speak with school officials, teachers or counselors and ask about the school's bullying policies and which interventions they use.

Make sure your child understands that nobody has the right to physically hurt them under any circumstance. While many bullying incidents are verbal, there are times when the confrontation becomes physical. There is nothing that justifies physical violence toward your child. He has the right to feel safe in the school environment and if this is compromised action needs to be taken immediately.

Speak with your child about your concern and let him know that he is not alone. Try speaking with the teacher first and if you are not confident that the situation is resolving you can involve the principal. Before you call, have all the facts written down, including what happened, who was involved, what the injuries were and time and date. It is also important to document any contact you have with school personnel. In the case of a physical or sexual assault, contact the police and file a report. You and your child can meet with a mental health professional who will help him to speak about the traumatic experience, offer support, and help him to feel safe in school.

© Ari E. Fox, LCSW, 2009. All Rights Reserved.

Ari E. Fox, LCSW provides child and adolescent psychotherapy with a specialty in school-related issues to individuals, families and groups in the New York metropolitan area. To learn more about Ari and his child and adolescent therapy practice visit http://www.copewithschool.com

Now lets go and harvest life gracefully and stop bulllying in our schools