You can harvest life gracefully when helping a women who is being emotional abused. The tips below are helpful in helping.
Responding to Emotional Abuse: How You Can Help Someone You Know
Violence against women, or woman abuse, happens to more women than we think. Most women who are physically assaulted by their intimate partners are emotionally abused. However, not all women who are emotionally abused, are physically abused. It is likely that you know a woman who is being emotionally abused by her partner. It could be your friend, sister, neighbour or co-worker. Whatever your relationship to an abused woman, it is difficult to admit that someone you care about its being abused. Very often, people want to help, but do not know how. If you know a woman who is being emotionally abused, and want to help, these are some things you can do:
1. Gather information about emotional abuse and the resources available.
You don't have to solve the problem, but you can provide support and information.
Look in the front of your phone book for the crisis line or women's shelter for services in your area.
Get information on emotional abuse so you can understand what she is going through.
If the woman does not speak English, there may be services in her language, or cultural interpreters available.
If the woman has a disability, or is deaf, make sure you refer her to appropriate services.
2. Recognize that emotional abuse has as much, if not more, of an impact on a woman's overall health and well being as physical violence.
She may become ill, depressed, anxious, or use alcohol or drugs to cope. If she has a disability, it may get worse due to the abuse.
Encourage her to take care of herself. She may want to speak to her family doctor or a counsellor who deals with woman abuse.
If she has children, it may be difficult for her to go out on her own. You could assist her with child-care so she can attend appointments or have some time to herself.
3. Assure her that you believe her and that you take emotional abuse seriously.
Listen and be understanding. Encourage her to talk about what she is experiencing.
Let her know you will keep what she has told you private.
Let her know that you are concerned for her safety and well being and want to provide support. Never tell her that she is lucky that she is not being hit.
4. Do not blame her or make excuses for her partner.
Alcohol or drug use, a job loss, or a bad childhood does not cause abuse.
Having a disability or living with someone who has a disability is not a justification for abuse.
The family's cultural or spiritual beliefs are not the cause of the emotional abuse. Woman abuse happens in all cultures.
Understand that it is normal for an abused woman to deny what is happening, or make excuses for her partner.
Encourage her to understand there is no excuse for any form of abuse.
5. Support her to be safe.
Understand that emotionally abusive partners also commit physical assault, murder, or murder-suicide. An abused woman is at most risk of being killed when leaving her partner.
Take her fears seriously. She may have been threatened by her partner and be fearful of him.
Let her know that she can go to a shelter for abused women.
Suggest that she develop a safety plan.
Encourage her to learn about her legal rights and the rights of her children.
6. Ask her how you can help.
Do not take over. Her partner already controls her.
Remember that she will make the decisions that are best for her.
7. Help her to recognize her strengths and feel better about herself.
Women who are abused demonstrate incredible strength when they balance the everyday demands of life, such as home, children, work and school.
A woman's self-confidence and esteem may have been greatly eroded by emotional abuse.
She may believe that she cannot make it on her own.
She may start by taking steps towards independence, such as going back to school or getting a job.
Encourage her to set small and realistic goals.
8. Respect her decisions and support her if she stays. A woman may not want to leave her partner, even if you think that is what is best for her.
Many people do not understand how difficult it is to leave an abusive partner. Do not tell her that you would have left a long time ago.
She may lose her home, car, farm and farm animals, and financial support for herself and her children if she leaves.
She could be isolated from her cultural community. She may not speak English and be fearful of being on her own.
She may not have access to physical supports she needs to be on her own.
Understand that abusers often use children or threaten to abduct their children if she talks about leaving.
Respect her decisions and tell her she will not lose your support if she stays.
Recognize that identifying emotional abuse is the first step, and that it may take time for her to make changes in her life.
Showing posts with label emotional abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotional abuse. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully - Article by Michael Tummillo, for anyone that feels unworthy of God's love
Fig Leaves For The Catholic Faithful
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Michael_Tummillo]Michael Tummillo
I can recall sitting in Catholic Church as a boy. I had always wondered why it was that, at Communion time, some people remained seated or kneeling in a very prayerful, pious position while others shuffled forward to receive the bread and wine. As time went on, and the length of time between my confessions grew too long (in my own opinion) and the types of sins I was capable of committing grew "worse" (again, in my own opinion), I found that, I, too, would refrain from taking communion because, in my own opinion, I was simply unworthy.
Unworthy? As time went by, the Lord has allowed me my share of ministry opportunities to Catholics. Here are a few examples:
CASE #1: I met a pretty Catholic woman in her 40s who told me she hadn't taken communion in 10 years. Why? Because she had been divorced and felt unworthy.
CASE #2: Another Catholic woman, a single mom, confessed to me that she was not only not skipping communion, but was feeling unworthy of even entering the doors of the church. Why? She, too, had been divorced.
CASE #3: At a Coffee Shop Bible Study, a young Baptist college student introduced me to a friend, a lovely Catholic girl he'd met at school. She was very vocal during the Bible Study, anxious to read the verses and had much to add to the discussion. Afterward, she asked me to pray for her. She wanted to become a nun, she said, but she had this strong desire to raise children, too.
CASE #4: A Catholic woman had become pregnant as a teen girl and gave the baby up for adoption. She later married another man and was unable to bear children. She wondered if she wasn't being punished for her past sin.
CASE #5: A devout Catholic man had an affair many years ago. In repentance, he poured himself into his religious practices becoming downright professional; a dedicated model of the perfect Catholic man. By outward appearances a pillar of faith; inwardly, like Samson, he was in bondage to those pillars.
WHO SAID YOU WERE NAKED?
Across denominational lines, the Church has declared to all people that they are separated from God, that they are guilty and that He's angry at them. We go so far as to preach that, unless they attend church on our prescribed day, at the prescribed time in our particular denomination, that they remain separated from Him. Heaven forbid that anyone in attendance should sin - at least sin in such a way that others might notice (pregnancy out of wedlock, divorce, you know...one of the "biggies). Those types will be brow-beaten and "scarlet lettered" from now till Doomsday, as they say.
Do you recall what God said to Adam after he and the wife ate off the tree? God saw that they had covered themselves with fig leaves and, when Adam said they covered themselves because they were naked, God responded, "Who told you that you were naked?"
We must answer that same basic question: "Who told you that you sinned?"
Our answers might include:
"My pastor."
"The Church."
"My parents."
How about "The devil"? You see there is NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ (Rom 8:1). There are two voices in Heaven, we read; Jesus who makes intercession for the Saints (that's you and me actually, not dead Christians - LIVE ones), and Satan, who accuses "the brethren" (and sisteren) incessantly.
Just as Noah's sons walked in backward and covered his nude body when he collapsed from drunkenness, after having attention called to him by the other son, Jesus, too, covers our nakedness.
Do you recall reading where He told the sinful prostitute, "You tramp! you're going to Hell!" No, because He never did that. How about where He told that obese man that there was obviously sin in his life or he would be thinner and subsequently happier and have a higher paying job and date more often? No, not hardly. His usual response was along the lines of "go and sin no more." If anything, He repeatedly told those to whom He ministered, "Don't tell anyone," and they ran off and told EVERYONE.
To the woman "caught" in adultery (wasn't the MAN caught, too?), Jesus said, "Woman, where are your accusers? Has no one condemned you?" She said, "No man, Lord." And Jesus said unto her, "Neither do I condemn you: go, and sin no more." (John 8:10-12)
To the paralytic in Mark 2:5, He said simply, "Son, your sins are forgiven."
When some guys lowered their friend through a hole they made in the roof so that Jesus might see fit to heal him, Jesus was impressed. Luke 5:20 tells us, "When Jesus saw their faith, He said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven."
While dining at Simon's with a group of Pharisees, Luke 7:36-49 reveals how a "sinful" woman came in with a jar of perfume. She stood behind Jesus at his feet weeping, and began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. Verse 44 says, "Then He turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven-for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."
Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven."
Hebrew 10:18-19 reminds us, "Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more. "And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin." Did you notice: no hoops to jump through; no performances necessary; no obligations. Just faith.
Unworthy? Not on your life! Don't believe the lie of the enemy that anything you ever did has re-qualified you as unworthy. I am convinced that NOTHING is able to separate us from the love of God (Rom 8:38-39). Friends, there are NO V.I.P. Sinners! To wallow in guilt and cling to thoughts and feelings of unworthiness is to tearfully declare, "Thanks for the crucifixion, Jesus, but it JUST WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH for me!"
THE RESULTS?
Regarding those five cases mentioned above, in every instance, I shared what you have just read.
In Case #1, the woman rejoiced, smiled tearfully and assured me that she understood. I believe with all my heart that she resumed the practices of her faith.
In Case #2, I had actually driven 4 hours to teach a Bible Study that never happened once I arrived. This woman had asked me to come to her office so that we could speak. After sharing with her something similar to what you've just read, she exclaimed, "I know you drove a long way to get here, but if the only thing you accomplished was telling me what you just said, IT WAS WORTH IT!" She has since become engaged, I've been told, to a Baptist boyfriend from her youth.
In Case #3, after the young lady told me she wanted to be a nun but also loved children, I assured her that, if that was indeed her calling, a nun can love children, too. As a Catholic boy, several nuns had quite an impact on my life; they loved children and it showed. I remember them fondly. She's married now.
In Case #4, that woman now understands that God doesn't punish His family. He loves her and has a plan for her life. She is serving the Lord with gladness and has been re-acquainted with her child.
In Case #5, we can only believe that God will minister the truth to this individual and that he will receive God's grace (Eph 2:8,9), step out of his performance mode and experience the liberty that has been bought for him by the blood of the cross. Does that sound like YOU, or anyone you know?
Though you may not be a Catholic, trust me, the devil has no problem condemning non-Catholics of their past mistakes and current bondages as well.
How many sins had you committed 2,000 years ago, after the crucifixion? None.
So, if your sins were forgiven, for how long did that "offer" stand? For 150 years? For 1,233 years? How about 3,000 years? You see, everything you've ever done - or will ever do - was either forgiven 100% by the shed Blood of the Lamb of God, who TOOK AWAY the sins of the world...or it wasn't. That doesn't give us a license to be evil. We will reap as we sow, after all. But we can rest in the hope that God's mercy REALLY is new every morning.
We REALLY have been justified.
God REALLY does see Jesus when He looks at us for we are the righteousness of God in Christ.
Our debt REALLY has been paid.
Now, is there anyone YOU need to forgive?
Every blessing,
Michael Tummillo
A servant of God
rel=nofollow http://www.yourtown4jesus.com
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
His mission is to bring Discipleship and Encouragement to the Body of Christ. Since '99, he has broadcast nearly 700 inspirational articles to his online subscribers and a dozen booklets on subjects sure to interest the thinking Christian and accelerate the process of spiritual development.
He is the founder of t.e.a.m. ministries. An Author, Pastoral Counselor and Teacher, his eMail broadcasts, known as "Your Town for Jesus" are read around the globe. Subscribe at [mailto:team1min@our-town.com]team1min@our-town.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Fig-Leaves-For-The-Catholic-Faithful&id=524644] Fig Leaves For The Catholic Faithful
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Michael_Tummillo]Michael Tummillo
I can recall sitting in Catholic Church as a boy. I had always wondered why it was that, at Communion time, some people remained seated or kneeling in a very prayerful, pious position while others shuffled forward to receive the bread and wine. As time went on, and the length of time between my confessions grew too long (in my own opinion) and the types of sins I was capable of committing grew "worse" (again, in my own opinion), I found that, I, too, would refrain from taking communion because, in my own opinion, I was simply unworthy.
Unworthy? As time went by, the Lord has allowed me my share of ministry opportunities to Catholics. Here are a few examples:
CASE #1: I met a pretty Catholic woman in her 40s who told me she hadn't taken communion in 10 years. Why? Because she had been divorced and felt unworthy.
CASE #2: Another Catholic woman, a single mom, confessed to me that she was not only not skipping communion, but was feeling unworthy of even entering the doors of the church. Why? She, too, had been divorced.
CASE #3: At a Coffee Shop Bible Study, a young Baptist college student introduced me to a friend, a lovely Catholic girl he'd met at school. She was very vocal during the Bible Study, anxious to read the verses and had much to add to the discussion. Afterward, she asked me to pray for her. She wanted to become a nun, she said, but she had this strong desire to raise children, too.
CASE #4: A Catholic woman had become pregnant as a teen girl and gave the baby up for adoption. She later married another man and was unable to bear children. She wondered if she wasn't being punished for her past sin.
CASE #5: A devout Catholic man had an affair many years ago. In repentance, he poured himself into his religious practices becoming downright professional; a dedicated model of the perfect Catholic man. By outward appearances a pillar of faith; inwardly, like Samson, he was in bondage to those pillars.
WHO SAID YOU WERE NAKED?
Across denominational lines, the Church has declared to all people that they are separated from God, that they are guilty and that He's angry at them. We go so far as to preach that, unless they attend church on our prescribed day, at the prescribed time in our particular denomination, that they remain separated from Him. Heaven forbid that anyone in attendance should sin - at least sin in such a way that others might notice (pregnancy out of wedlock, divorce, you know...one of the "biggies). Those types will be brow-beaten and "scarlet lettered" from now till Doomsday, as they say.
Do you recall what God said to Adam after he and the wife ate off the tree? God saw that they had covered themselves with fig leaves and, when Adam said they covered themselves because they were naked, God responded, "Who told you that you were naked?"
We must answer that same basic question: "Who told you that you sinned?"
Our answers might include:
"My pastor."
"The Church."
"My parents."
How about "The devil"? You see there is NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ (Rom 8:1). There are two voices in Heaven, we read; Jesus who makes intercession for the Saints (that's you and me actually, not dead Christians - LIVE ones), and Satan, who accuses "the brethren" (and sisteren) incessantly.
Just as Noah's sons walked in backward and covered his nude body when he collapsed from drunkenness, after having attention called to him by the other son, Jesus, too, covers our nakedness.
Do you recall reading where He told the sinful prostitute, "You tramp! you're going to Hell!" No, because He never did that. How about where He told that obese man that there was obviously sin in his life or he would be thinner and subsequently happier and have a higher paying job and date more often? No, not hardly. His usual response was along the lines of "go and sin no more." If anything, He repeatedly told those to whom He ministered, "Don't tell anyone," and they ran off and told EVERYONE.
To the woman "caught" in adultery (wasn't the MAN caught, too?), Jesus said, "Woman, where are your accusers? Has no one condemned you?" She said, "No man, Lord." And Jesus said unto her, "Neither do I condemn you: go, and sin no more." (John 8:10-12)
To the paralytic in Mark 2:5, He said simply, "Son, your sins are forgiven."
When some guys lowered their friend through a hole they made in the roof so that Jesus might see fit to heal him, Jesus was impressed. Luke 5:20 tells us, "When Jesus saw their faith, He said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven."
While dining at Simon's with a group of Pharisees, Luke 7:36-49 reveals how a "sinful" woman came in with a jar of perfume. She stood behind Jesus at his feet weeping, and began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. Verse 44 says, "Then He turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven-for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."
Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven."
Hebrew 10:18-19 reminds us, "Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more. "And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin." Did you notice: no hoops to jump through; no performances necessary; no obligations. Just faith.
Unworthy? Not on your life! Don't believe the lie of the enemy that anything you ever did has re-qualified you as unworthy. I am convinced that NOTHING is able to separate us from the love of God (Rom 8:38-39). Friends, there are NO V.I.P. Sinners! To wallow in guilt and cling to thoughts and feelings of unworthiness is to tearfully declare, "Thanks for the crucifixion, Jesus, but it JUST WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH for me!"
THE RESULTS?
Regarding those five cases mentioned above, in every instance, I shared what you have just read.
In Case #1, the woman rejoiced, smiled tearfully and assured me that she understood. I believe with all my heart that she resumed the practices of her faith.
In Case #2, I had actually driven 4 hours to teach a Bible Study that never happened once I arrived. This woman had asked me to come to her office so that we could speak. After sharing with her something similar to what you've just read, she exclaimed, "I know you drove a long way to get here, but if the only thing you accomplished was telling me what you just said, IT WAS WORTH IT!" She has since become engaged, I've been told, to a Baptist boyfriend from her youth.
In Case #3, after the young lady told me she wanted to be a nun but also loved children, I assured her that, if that was indeed her calling, a nun can love children, too. As a Catholic boy, several nuns had quite an impact on my life; they loved children and it showed. I remember them fondly. She's married now.
In Case #4, that woman now understands that God doesn't punish His family. He loves her and has a plan for her life. She is serving the Lord with gladness and has been re-acquainted with her child.
In Case #5, we can only believe that God will minister the truth to this individual and that he will receive God's grace (Eph 2:8,9), step out of his performance mode and experience the liberty that has been bought for him by the blood of the cross. Does that sound like YOU, or anyone you know?
Though you may not be a Catholic, trust me, the devil has no problem condemning non-Catholics of their past mistakes and current bondages as well.
How many sins had you committed 2,000 years ago, after the crucifixion? None.
So, if your sins were forgiven, for how long did that "offer" stand? For 150 years? For 1,233 years? How about 3,000 years? You see, everything you've ever done - or will ever do - was either forgiven 100% by the shed Blood of the Lamb of God, who TOOK AWAY the sins of the world...or it wasn't. That doesn't give us a license to be evil. We will reap as we sow, after all. But we can rest in the hope that God's mercy REALLY is new every morning.
We REALLY have been justified.
God REALLY does see Jesus when He looks at us for we are the righteousness of God in Christ.
Our debt REALLY has been paid.
Now, is there anyone YOU need to forgive?
Every blessing,
Michael Tummillo
A servant of God
rel=nofollow http://www.yourtown4jesus.com
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
His mission is to bring Discipleship and Encouragement to the Body of Christ. Since '99, he has broadcast nearly 700 inspirational articles to his online subscribers and a dozen booklets on subjects sure to interest the thinking Christian and accelerate the process of spiritual development.
He is the founder of t.e.a.m. ministries. An Author, Pastoral Counselor and Teacher, his eMail broadcasts, known as "Your Town for Jesus" are read around the globe. Subscribe at [mailto:team1min@our-town.com]team1min@our-town.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Fig-Leaves-For-The-Catholic-Faithful&id=524644] Fig Leaves For The Catholic Faithful
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully- Examination of my life- part 3 - elementry school age
Down the road, a mile away from where I lived, up on the hill, stood a white catholic church, one house where the pastor of the church lived and another house where the nuns lived. The nuns job was to teach the students that went to school at the small brick schoolhouse, which was located on the same property near the houses. The nuns, were a site to see, they wore a long black gown called a habit, It went all the way to their ankles and all the way to their wrist, with a big rounded stiff, starchy collar. A white rope was tied around the waist with a rosary attached. A long black veil with a white stiff cap that cover the head, ears and side of head, no hair was allowed to be seen and the only skin allowed was the skin on their hands and face. I often held imaginary images in my mind of how they would actually look like, such as their hair and body without their habit on and with normal clothing on. Vanity was a big issue for the nuns in the Catholic faith at that time.
The school housed 8 grades, first though eighth. There were four classrooms, two grades per room and one nun teacher per room. Including myself there was 10 kids in my class, three boys and seven girls. The school 's main focus was teaching music and religion. It was mandatory for everyone to attend mass at church, every day upon arrival to school and just before any classes took place. Then on every Friday we were march off to the church to confess our sins to the priest. Once a week the priest would come to your class room and delivered a message about God and love that was long, and drawn out, which left me confuse with no understanding of the message. Religion class was of utmost importance, we were graded on memorizing all of the prayers and the catechism word from word.. Teaching what the prayers and the catechism meant was not in the teacher's teaching plans. We were taught how to read music, recognize musical instruments and their sounds, to know the names of the composers of classical music, like Mozart and Bach, and how to sing. The students of the school were the choir for the church. I went to so many funerals, that my family doesn't have enough toes and fingers to count how many. These funerals made me feel curious about life and death but also very fearful. Perhaps it's because of how confusing mortal sin was to me, and not understanding God's love and if I was worth his love. . For a preteen youngster, seeing a funeral procession with a casket and crying people was a overwhelming experience. A memory that stay etched in a mind, forever.
During recess, the girls was not allowed to play with the boys. Each class had their own designated area on the school grounds to play. There were no intermixing with other grades or with boys. A playground of swings, slides and merry-go-round was available for the really little kids. Softball was the game of choice for the older kids. Sliding on the snow was the preferred activity during the winter months. Cardboard boxes was a popular item to use to slide down the hill. It was not unusual to form a chain with your classmates by locking elbows' before pushing off. The trick was to see if you can get to the bottom of the hill without breaking the chain.
A checkered red/green jumper with a white blouse was the uniform worn to school by the girls. The boys wore dress shirts and brown or black dress pants. On a regular basis the nuns would check to see if the jumper worn by the girl was not too short, by checking if the skirt hem of the jumper touched the floor when the girl knelt on the floor. If it did then it was long enough and if it didn't then a note was sent home to have the hem lowered. The mini style was in at this time so most of the girls in my class decided to get clever, by practicing in the privacy of their own bedroom, learning how to slouch while kneeling to make the skirt hem touch the floor, without the nuns noticing the slouching. Some girls got pretty good at it because the skirt hem of the jumper was above the knee and she was able to convince the nun that the hem actually did touched the floor while kneeling.
One day when I was probably in the 6th grade, one of my classmates decided to draw a picture of a naked women. One of the nuns found the drawing and demanded to know who drew it. No body would tell, therefore the nun decided to give us a long lecture about impure thoughts. We were told how to take a bath so not to provoke impure thoughts. A quick wash and a quick dry without taking a look at your body. Keeping your eyes close maybe? There were to be no looking in the mirror at yourself either. From that day forward, whenever I took a bath, I would hear those words spoken by this nun, and wonder if I was going to go to hell for the way I was washing myself and if I was provoking impure thoughts.
I thought that the ideal of a religious school was to teach you how to have a personal relationship with God. To know God's love and forgiveness. To learn how to have faith, hope and love. The eight years I spent going to this school, taught me how to be afraid of mortal sin and intimidated by God. I was taught in a black and white viewpoint. Instead of learning how to listen for God's voice in my heart. I was taught how to listen to the you should not do this or that and you should do this in my head. I was afraid that I would go to hell if I did not follow God's rules exactly and perfectly. I did not hear anything about being saved though faith. I did not understand what faith meant until, way into my adult years and then only, after seeking counsel with a catholic priest because of the effect of what I learned though the teachings of my teachers about sin and hell
The school housed 8 grades, first though eighth. There were four classrooms, two grades per room and one nun teacher per room. Including myself there was 10 kids in my class, three boys and seven girls. The school 's main focus was teaching music and religion. It was mandatory for everyone to attend mass at church, every day upon arrival to school and just before any classes took place. Then on every Friday we were march off to the church to confess our sins to the priest. Once a week the priest would come to your class room and delivered a message about God and love that was long, and drawn out, which left me confuse with no understanding of the message. Religion class was of utmost importance, we were graded on memorizing all of the prayers and the catechism word from word.. Teaching what the prayers and the catechism meant was not in the teacher's teaching plans. We were taught how to read music, recognize musical instruments and their sounds, to know the names of the composers of classical music, like Mozart and Bach, and how to sing. The students of the school were the choir for the church. I went to so many funerals, that my family doesn't have enough toes and fingers to count how many. These funerals made me feel curious about life and death but also very fearful. Perhaps it's because of how confusing mortal sin was to me, and not understanding God's love and if I was worth his love. . For a preteen youngster, seeing a funeral procession with a casket and crying people was a overwhelming experience. A memory that stay etched in a mind, forever.
During recess, the girls was not allowed to play with the boys. Each class had their own designated area on the school grounds to play. There were no intermixing with other grades or with boys. A playground of swings, slides and merry-go-round was available for the really little kids. Softball was the game of choice for the older kids. Sliding on the snow was the preferred activity during the winter months. Cardboard boxes was a popular item to use to slide down the hill. It was not unusual to form a chain with your classmates by locking elbows' before pushing off. The trick was to see if you can get to the bottom of the hill without breaking the chain.
A checkered red/green jumper with a white blouse was the uniform worn to school by the girls. The boys wore dress shirts and brown or black dress pants. On a regular basis the nuns would check to see if the jumper worn by the girl was not too short, by checking if the skirt hem of the jumper touched the floor when the girl knelt on the floor. If it did then it was long enough and if it didn't then a note was sent home to have the hem lowered. The mini style was in at this time so most of the girls in my class decided to get clever, by practicing in the privacy of their own bedroom, learning how to slouch while kneeling to make the skirt hem touch the floor, without the nuns noticing the slouching. Some girls got pretty good at it because the skirt hem of the jumper was above the knee and she was able to convince the nun that the hem actually did touched the floor while kneeling.
One day when I was probably in the 6th grade, one of my classmates decided to draw a picture of a naked women. One of the nuns found the drawing and demanded to know who drew it. No body would tell, therefore the nun decided to give us a long lecture about impure thoughts. We were told how to take a bath so not to provoke impure thoughts. A quick wash and a quick dry without taking a look at your body. Keeping your eyes close maybe? There were to be no looking in the mirror at yourself either. From that day forward, whenever I took a bath, I would hear those words spoken by this nun, and wonder if I was going to go to hell for the way I was washing myself and if I was provoking impure thoughts.
I thought that the ideal of a religious school was to teach you how to have a personal relationship with God. To know God's love and forgiveness. To learn how to have faith, hope and love. The eight years I spent going to this school, taught me how to be afraid of mortal sin and intimidated by God. I was taught in a black and white viewpoint. Instead of learning how to listen for God's voice in my heart. I was taught how to listen to the you should not do this or that and you should do this in my head. I was afraid that I would go to hell if I did not follow God's rules exactly and perfectly. I did not hear anything about being saved though faith. I did not understand what faith meant until, way into my adult years and then only, after seeking counsel with a catholic priest because of the effect of what I learned though the teachings of my teachers about sin and hell
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully- Recognizing Emotional Abuse
Signs of emotional abuse in children
Overly unsocial, fearful about doing something wrong.
Shows extremes in behaviors such as: extreme obedience or extreme neediness; extremely inactive or extremely aggressive
Emotional detached from parent or caregiver.
Behaves in an adult manner, for example by taking care of other children or behaves in infantile manner, for example by, rocking, thumb-sucking, and having tantrums.
Overly unsocial, fearful about doing something wrong.
Shows extremes in behaviors such as: extreme obedience or extreme neediness; extremely inactive or extremely aggressive
Emotional detached from parent or caregiver.
Behaves in an adult manner, for example by taking care of other children or behaves in infantile manner, for example by, rocking, thumb-sucking, and having tantrums.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully- Examination of my Life - preschool age- part 2
Before I continue with my story, I want to remind you, when we are trying to harvest life gracefully and find purpose in life, the first step in the process is to examine our life for what it is in a factual way. Remember not to place judgment of right or wrong or bad or good. What it is, is what it is, in this way we can get to the point to learn acceptance and forgiveness.
There were sure tell tale signs of my emotional abuse by the way I had acted. When I arrived home from the hospital with a big cast on my leg, that covered the entire leg, and then there was a brand new baby in the home. All of these changes caused me to feel insecure and I reacted to them.
Soon after, returning home from the hospital, I learn how to walk with that big, ugly cast on my leg, this is when I began to act out my insecurities, I decided to run away from home. I can still hear my mother telling me, in a joking, laughing manner, of how far down the road I had gotten before she notice that I was gone. She sent my oldest brother to fetch me, but the closer he got to me I would try to run faster, not wanting him to catch me. My parents laugh it off, my parents had no ideal that I was emotional unstable and I needed emotional support. I did not know how to cope, why I was left at the hospital alone? My thoughts were, what was wrong with me that I was left there? Then, after returning home from the hospital and finding a new baby in the home, I thought that this baby was there to replace me. It is obvious that a mind of a 16 month old child does not have the capabilities to understand all that had taken place and the reasons why. Without the emotional support, it only reaffirmed the belief, that had already began to form in my mind, though overhearing family arguments about my physical deformity of my hip, that I was unloved and not wanted.
Another tell tale sign was how at bed time, I would stand upon the top of the stairs to my bedroom, yelling and crying down at my parents begging them, if they loved me. This was an every night occurrence. My parents would get frustrated with me, and yell back “Go to bed!” I then would go to bed feeling more unloved and unwanted because I heard the anger in my parents voice directed at me instead of any love or affection they had for me. The next night would repeat itself over again. I am not sure how long this behavior lasted, but am quite sure it lasted long enough, until, I realized what I needed from this type of behavior, I wasn't going to get.
Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I woke up feeling scared. I then, walk to my parents bedroom, I asked, “Can I sleep with you?” Either my mom or dad would say, “You can crawl in bed with us, but you need to sleep at the foot of the bed by our feet.” This lasted for maybe about 10 times before my parents told me, “to stay in my own bed .”
Another good example is when I would wrap my arms around my mother's legs while she was standing at the kitchen sink. Saying over and over “I love you” wanting her to reply back with the same. She pushed me away and said, “Leave me alone.”
My mom was never very good in showing her affection to her children once they got into the toddler stage. I do not remember hugs, being held, receiving loving touches from my mother's hand or even words of “I love you.” given freely by her.
After years gone by and into my adulthood is when I discovered that my parents did truly love me. The problem was the lack of awareness, and my mom's feelings of being overwhelmed and depressed about her life, and my father being so busy trying to be the provider. My dad has since pass, he left this world with my love and respect and he had love and respect for me. My mom lives close by and I see her often, words of “I love you” with a hug is exchange whenever we meet.
The purpose to examine your life as it is, in order to harvest life gracefully and find purpose in your life, is just what it is. You are looking upon your life without judgment and not looking at it as good or bad. It is what it is, just plain fact.
What do we say? "HARVEST LIFE GRACEFULLY!"
Harvest Life recommends this book
Healing the Shame that Binds You (Recovery Classics)
There were sure tell tale signs of my emotional abuse by the way I had acted. When I arrived home from the hospital with a big cast on my leg, that covered the entire leg, and then there was a brand new baby in the home. All of these changes caused me to feel insecure and I reacted to them.
Soon after, returning home from the hospital, I learn how to walk with that big, ugly cast on my leg, this is when I began to act out my insecurities, I decided to run away from home. I can still hear my mother telling me, in a joking, laughing manner, of how far down the road I had gotten before she notice that I was gone. She sent my oldest brother to fetch me, but the closer he got to me I would try to run faster, not wanting him to catch me. My parents laugh it off, my parents had no ideal that I was emotional unstable and I needed emotional support. I did not know how to cope, why I was left at the hospital alone? My thoughts were, what was wrong with me that I was left there? Then, after returning home from the hospital and finding a new baby in the home, I thought that this baby was there to replace me. It is obvious that a mind of a 16 month old child does not have the capabilities to understand all that had taken place and the reasons why. Without the emotional support, it only reaffirmed the belief, that had already began to form in my mind, though overhearing family arguments about my physical deformity of my hip, that I was unloved and not wanted.
Another tell tale sign was how at bed time, I would stand upon the top of the stairs to my bedroom, yelling and crying down at my parents begging them, if they loved me. This was an every night occurrence. My parents would get frustrated with me, and yell back “Go to bed!” I then would go to bed feeling more unloved and unwanted because I heard the anger in my parents voice directed at me instead of any love or affection they had for me. The next night would repeat itself over again. I am not sure how long this behavior lasted, but am quite sure it lasted long enough, until, I realized what I needed from this type of behavior, I wasn't going to get.
Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I woke up feeling scared. I then, walk to my parents bedroom, I asked, “Can I sleep with you?” Either my mom or dad would say, “You can crawl in bed with us, but you need to sleep at the foot of the bed by our feet.” This lasted for maybe about 10 times before my parents told me, “to stay in my own bed .”
Another good example is when I would wrap my arms around my mother's legs while she was standing at the kitchen sink. Saying over and over “I love you” wanting her to reply back with the same. She pushed me away and said, “Leave me alone.”
My mom was never very good in showing her affection to her children once they got into the toddler stage. I do not remember hugs, being held, receiving loving touches from my mother's hand or even words of “I love you.” given freely by her.
After years gone by and into my adulthood is when I discovered that my parents did truly love me. The problem was the lack of awareness, and my mom's feelings of being overwhelmed and depressed about her life, and my father being so busy trying to be the provider. My dad has since pass, he left this world with my love and respect and he had love and respect for me. My mom lives close by and I see her often, words of “I love you” with a hug is exchange whenever we meet.
The purpose to examine your life as it is, in order to harvest life gracefully and find purpose in your life, is just what it is. You are looking upon your life without judgment and not looking at it as good or bad. It is what it is, just plain fact.
What do we say? "HARVEST LIFE GRACEFULLY!"
Harvest Life recommends this book
Healing the Shame that Binds You (Recovery Classics)
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Harvest Life Gracefully- Examination of my life - preschool age - part One
To harvest life gracefully during my preschool age was a impossible task for me as I did not feel loved I was a very bashful, lonely and vulnerable little girl. Envisage, me as a 16 month old child whom had not yet begun to walk because I was born with my hip bone out of my hip socket. One of my legs, were longer than the other. Apparently, this type of deformity was not well-known then as today, my physical imperfection was rare and strange for my parents. After seeking medical advice from medical experts, my parents were advise to have a medical procedure performed to put my hip bone back into its' hip socket. My parents struggle with making a decision to have this medical procedure, because family members were giving my parents frightful comments about how I would become crippled, then horrible arguments broke out about it; while I was standing in the mist of those arguments. I have no memories of these arguments, but I know they took place, because my mom told me so. Knowing my parents as I do, I am sure I did not receive any emotional support from my parents about the arguments that I overheard. I am sure that I came to believed there was something terrible wrong with me and I blamed myself for it. I came to this conclusion from doing research about children and how they process traumatic situations, when emotional support is not present.
Against family wishes my parents decided to go ahead with the medical procedure as the doctors advised. The hospital, where the procedure was to be done at was 50 miles away from my home. Oh! by the way, I forgot to mention that my mom was 8 months pregnant at this time. On March 29, 1955, was the day, I arrived at the hospital for my procedure. While at the hospital, on the same day my mom's water bag broke and she went into labor. She then, was rushed, by my dad, in his vehicle to a hospital that was 75 miles away, where she delivered my brother. I was left alone, feeling frightful I began to cry my little heart out, long and hard. No one came to my rescue, except for another patient, who was admitted, for a skin disease. She came into my room, picked me up out of the crib, sat down in the rocking chair, that was in my room, held me and comfort me, as she rock me in that rocking chair. While she was comforting me, the nurse came in, saw what she was doing and demanded her to leave my room immediately. The nurse said, “You have no business being in another patients room, especially since you have a skin disease that could possible be pass on, you need to leave this room now!.” (I never did get a skin disease from her) Later, after my dad was able to return to the hospital, this lady told my dad what happened. She said , “Your daughter was crying so loud, and hard, I felt so bad for her, I could not resist, picking her up to rock and comfort her. My dad said, “Thank you, for looking out for her.”
My dad had problems getting to the hospital to be with me, because he was a dairy farmer, his cows needed to be milk every morning and evening. Then there were 4 other children at home to be attended to. He felt conflicted, between his responsibilities to his cows, his wife in one hospital, his daughter in another and 4 other children at home. My dad was able to manage this dilemma, by asking for help and support, from family members. He ask my grandma (my mom's mother) to stay with me at the hospital, a few hours each day, she agree to do so. Otherwise, I was pretty much left alone, during the hospital stay.
This event was an uncontrollable event, in my life. Never-less it was an event that affected my life greatly. Feelings of abandonment, insecurities and self-worth needed to be addressed, but they were not. Perhaps my parents wasn't aware, or had the know how or their focus were on other things. I believe that this was the beginning of my self-defeating beliefs I had develop about myself. I also believe, this was the beginning of the emotional abuse I received. My emotional abuse from my parents was not one of verbal degrading comments to me but one of emotional neglect of supporting me when I needed it.
What do we say? "HARVEST LIFE GRACEFULLY!"
HARVEST LIFE - and heal your heart from abandonment and feel joy again!
The Missing Mother Handbook Click Here!
Coming soon!!! Harvest Life - Examination of my life - preschool age - part two
Against family wishes my parents decided to go ahead with the medical procedure as the doctors advised. The hospital, where the procedure was to be done at was 50 miles away from my home. Oh! by the way, I forgot to mention that my mom was 8 months pregnant at this time. On March 29, 1955, was the day, I arrived at the hospital for my procedure. While at the hospital, on the same day my mom's water bag broke and she went into labor. She then, was rushed, by my dad, in his vehicle to a hospital that was 75 miles away, where she delivered my brother. I was left alone, feeling frightful I began to cry my little heart out, long and hard. No one came to my rescue, except for another patient, who was admitted, for a skin disease. She came into my room, picked me up out of the crib, sat down in the rocking chair, that was in my room, held me and comfort me, as she rock me in that rocking chair. While she was comforting me, the nurse came in, saw what she was doing and demanded her to leave my room immediately. The nurse said, “You have no business being in another patients room, especially since you have a skin disease that could possible be pass on, you need to leave this room now!.” (I never did get a skin disease from her) Later, after my dad was able to return to the hospital, this lady told my dad what happened. She said , “Your daughter was crying so loud, and hard, I felt so bad for her, I could not resist, picking her up to rock and comfort her. My dad said, “Thank you, for looking out for her.”
My dad had problems getting to the hospital to be with me, because he was a dairy farmer, his cows needed to be milk every morning and evening. Then there were 4 other children at home to be attended to. He felt conflicted, between his responsibilities to his cows, his wife in one hospital, his daughter in another and 4 other children at home. My dad was able to manage this dilemma, by asking for help and support, from family members. He ask my grandma (my mom's mother) to stay with me at the hospital, a few hours each day, she agree to do so. Otherwise, I was pretty much left alone, during the hospital stay.
This event was an uncontrollable event, in my life. Never-less it was an event that affected my life greatly. Feelings of abandonment, insecurities and self-worth needed to be addressed, but they were not. Perhaps my parents wasn't aware, or had the know how or their focus were on other things. I believe that this was the beginning of my self-defeating beliefs I had develop about myself. I also believe, this was the beginning of the emotional abuse I received. My emotional abuse from my parents was not one of verbal degrading comments to me but one of emotional neglect of supporting me when I needed it.
What do we say? "HARVEST LIFE GRACEFULLY!"
HARVEST LIFE - and heal your heart from abandonment and feel joy again!
The Missing Mother Handbook Click Here!
Coming soon!!! Harvest Life - Examination of my life - preschool age - part two
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